12 Years Old, Ru's Taste

Yesterday my oldest son stepped to the brink of coming-of-age and turned 12. I can hardly believe we are here, teetering on the edge of the teen years. Its both refreshing and a little demoralizing to realize that here, in tween land I feel not a whole lot more grave, impressive or wise than I did when I first started parenting. I know a lot more than I did when I first started trying to be a mama to this boy who was handed to my unripened and eager self but most of what I know is how insufficient I am, how much his childhood is about me growing up and how very humbling and human it is to try to be anyone's mother. I am comforted that I am not all jaded or superior and that I am still playing, discovering, laughing-out-loud and even running and climbing trees but I am amazed that at 37 I don't feel very much like I have a corner on anything. I have learned to love parts of parenthood that scared and repulsed me (toddlers who talk back, vomit, and hosting playdates) and I have cherished the pieces that I always knew I would love (the hugs, playing sick nurse, making birthday cakes) and through all of it I am learning so much.

12 years ago, what an exhausting, scary, amazing day

Reuben, one his second day of external life.

 I am figuring out how to be tougher than I knew I was, more vulnerable and open and changeable than I ever have been and man, has this boy blazed the trail in teaching me these things! I don't know how it would have gone if I had started with sweet, little complacent child as my first but I am pretty sure that I wouldn't have learned what I needed. God knew I needed this spitfire of an action figure with a taste for leadership in my life. I needed my world rocked, I needed skateboarding and baseball and graphic novels, to pet more dogs and ride more horses and hear more knock-knock jokes than I could ever have prescribed myself. I am a different woman. I sure love this kid. I love who he is, what he brings to our family and whatever it is he is about to show me about his adolescent make-a-difference, live-an-adventure self.

Here is a little peek into his world, on his second day of being 12 years old.

Reuben Loves:

1. Babies: He's always loved babies but the older he gets the sweeter it is that he hasn't lost his love of holding them, making them smile and knowing just what little things they need. He's a fantastic older cousin and will make a top drawer babysitter someday.
2. Baseball: He's played steadily in Little League for years now, never missing a season and I am amazed to see that he still is wistful over winter when there are no trips down to the ball diamond. He's a sports kid for sure and baseball has been his game, although interestingly he has no real interest in following professional games or players.
3. Greek mythology: He has drawn up his own family trees, read oodles of legends and stories and can tell  you all the details of each of Hercules' labors. This inclination made him great fun as a fellow tourist in Italy. So many stone reliefs were unveiled before our eyes because he recognized the stories.
4. People: He loves groups, laughter, conversation, friends and even strangers. Always has, always will. Card carrying extrovert. 
5. Avocados: He's always loved them but now that we live in California, the land of fresh avocados and can even get them at our farmer's market it seems like a legit part of him. We regularly split on together as a snack...half for him, half for me...although these days Pom in horning in too.
6. Swimming: We are about to gear up to go back to swimming lessons like we did last year before summer. Ru can hardly wait! He regularly needs two or three scoldings to get him out of the water after lesson has finished. He loves to swim, loves water and has great facility as a swimmer too. Fun to watch him learning to dive and perfect the trickier strokes now.
7. Monopoly: This is his favorite board game. We have the original and two other variations and he loves them all with equal fervor. I think this one may be genetic, it was my own mad love as a child too. I may have infected him. 
8. Zinnias: They are always his favorite bouquets at the farmer's market and he plants them every year himself. He can never have just one variety and he's always totally impressed when they bloom. They look good in the packet, but even better in the flesh. He's already got a couple of varieties ready to grow this year. 
9. Audiobooks: We are always listening to at least two together as a family and Ru is always my ready reminder to remember to turn it on during long drives. He's always loved story, hearing, imagining, telling and reading....its in his blood.
10. Mowing the lawn: This has become one of his personal chores over the last year. Its pretty cute to see him relishing the mowing of our teeny little postage stamp of a front yard. He sometimes mows it before it really needs it again just for the joy of the experience. I have just begun to experiment with having him string trim as an extra connected privilege.

Reuben Loathes:

1. Cooked squash: All the varieties get the miss. I have to say, I try to make sure nobody knows in our household but I hated cooked squash as a kid. I eat it some now but I always thought it was so squishy and far too sweet for my liking. Not sure what gets him about the whole family of squashes but he sure does skip them all preferentially. 
2. Editing papers: This is his second year writing papers for me and although he enjoys the craft of putting down his thoughts he really doesn't like editing and drafting the next rounds. I drag him through the process of polishing the piece and adding the next layer each time, he'd much rather just bang out the story and be done, fussy he is not. 
3. Star Trek: We showed the boys the Star Wars movies this year and so we thought as a compliment it might be fun to experience a little Star Trek too. Nope. Nope. Nope. We showed Ru the first episode and it freaked him out so much that he can't even calm his skeeves down enough to consider discussing the show. Way too scary. Ooops.
4. Origami: His younger brother's maddest passion completely drives Ru bonkers. He can never stick with the pattern long enough to get all the folds right or crease the corners evenly and he doesn't really care to. We are all given things we love, precisely folding paper is not one of his loves. 
5. Saving money: He loves making money, he loves spending money, he doesn't really enjoy or value saving money. Hopefully, this will come with time but at least we don't need to worry about any miserly tendencies! 
6. Home days with no exciting plans: His least favorite days are the days when we have nowhere to rush off to and nobody coming over. Homebody he is not. 
7. Snakes: Something about moving Out West to the land of genuine rattle snakes has made him very nervous about the whole family. Of course, a few tweeking younger brothers have exploited his aversion and perhaps deepened it with their repeated surprising faux rattle sounds on hikes.
8. Wearing a helmet: He loves to ride his new bike and still enjoys skateboarding along with playing on his new ripstick he got for his birthday but he hates wearing a helmet. He is a devil-may-care child and doesn't see the point of a lot of fuss so we have to be vigilant for him and keep on the reminders. He also runs warm and I'm sure a helmet doesn't help keep him already toasty temp down.
9. Early bedtimes: He loves to stay up late and has no natural inclination to sleep and going to sleep early because of some scheduled need drives him batty. He'd rather flip back and forth in bed for an hour than actually go to sleep early! Total waste of time.
10. Scary movies: He still really doesn't like scary films although he is slowly easing away from his previous jumpy relationship with any plot tension. I am not much for encouraging scary movies anyhow to I feel like his tenderheartedness can just stay right exactly as it is and I won't mind at all.

The Nib Review

 Time for a little expose on my smallest son. He's almost sixteen months old, and still a cheery-hearted boy who is often a balm for my over-scheduled soul. When life is falling apart at the seams I frequently feel like he is the bright spot and I love his relational little self to pieces.

Nib Likes:

• Giving kisses. (so lovely, this stage!)
• Mornings. He's a glowing, chattering, cheery boy in the mornings...all mornings...starting at least by 7:30 AM but often 5 AM.
• Sweet corn. He got my Williams family corn obsession gene and will easily polish off a whole ear alone, two if he's allowed. 
• Dried fruit. He loves cranberries, cherries, blueberries, prunes, dates and anything else you let him try.
• Music. He's a dancer and a singer this one and he loves a good round of plunking notes out on the piano. Any repetitive noise can be danced to and sung along with if you're enough of a music lover: car alarms, nervous toe taps, squeaky hinges and the noise from a bowl of eggs being beaten with a fork.
• Nursing. He's still cutting the very last of his teeth so I'm being an indulgent and comforting mommy but the end of milk is in sight. I am feeling like I need to stop soon. Trying to enjoy every last bit before the end.
• Story books. He brings stories to A and I, often particular favorites (a board book picture dictionary or The Little Train are some of his loves)
• Sword fighting with his brothers. (all sticks become swords!)
• Babies. Babies need kisses and Nib is happy to oblige, along with kind pats on the head.
• Greeting people. He waves wildly and yells "HI! HI!" to passing strangers on the other side of the street when he's behind our closed living room window. Love the ardor he has about this new skill.
• The phrase "Uh oh!" Such an exciting thing to say, use it as often as possible.
• Plucking treats off the fruit table. Such delight! Take as many bites as you like and then chuck it....unless Mommy catches you!
• Helping empty the dishwasher. This is his particular chore. He loves to hand me silverware so I can put it away and also enjoys pushing "Start" when it has all been re-loaded.
• Eating. He is hungry far more often than three times a day right now. I feel like he wants to eat constantly. Handily his appetite is pretty broad and he self-feeds pretty neatly.

Nib Dislikes:

•  Cherry tomatoes. He loves the way they look and almost always wants to try one but they always come right back out with lots of spitting and a repulsed face. More Sungolds for me. :)
• Sharing. Nobody smaller than him? You can tell. He's sweet but a bit assuming as far as being the center of attention goes. Kid needs a few younger babies in his life.
• Being left out. He's really learned to be part of the pack and it drives him crazy to have his big brothers do things he can't...and it is four shades of terrible when they go away and he can't come. 
• Being in his car seat. The car seat shrieking stage was a little late in coming for this kid but it has definitely made it's appearance now. He is tolerant on short jaunts but on long car rides he has begun to assert his own, piercing will. 
• Being told no. He wants to be picked up when he orders it, to be read to on demand and to be given any snack he hauls out of the pantry. Limits are not cool. The next thing he plans to do is be two years old.
• Having his hair washed. He doesn't put up the wild fuss that his big brother Dee does but he doesn't like this part of bath time very well and complains about it until I finish and leave him to paddle in peace.
• Being carried or stuck in the cart at the grocery store. I still make him refrain because it is just too much for me to handle but he sure would love to be free to run down all the aisles in joyous, unrestricted glee. 
• The end of ice cream. Okay, maybe I'm stretching with this one, it might properly belong on the "Likes" list but he does put up a pouty-lipped royal fuss when his much enjoyed ramekin of ice cream is scratched-out-all-the-corners-empty and not one more drop can be coaxed out.
• Wearing socks or shoes in the car. Think you'll be efficient and appropriate and make sure I'm full dressed when I am buckled into the car before we head to the library. Ha! Think again, Mommy. No dice. Those suckers get shucked as fast as you can turn the engine over.
• Latched or locked doors. Nothing drives him batty faster than trying to open a door and finding it fast. He hates that!

And that's about the size of it. At the moment he's still a very mellow little person who is just starting to show us what thrills and frustrates him. I can't wait to see more of him unfold. He is a lovely little man and I am curious about what else the world will show him about himself, nothing left to do but wait some more and see!

Dee At The Moment

 Oh, little Dee! Time for a little zoomed in focus on who this little person is turning out to be. I am trying to figure out how to handle all his little quirks and mannerisms. He's easily upset, only moderately communicative, and really hard to talk down once worked up, but also sweet-hearted, observant and very full of spirit. I find him both uniquely charming and particularly draining. I am so glad he's not a baby anymore as he is a lot more fun as a little boy.

As an infant he was a bundle of nerves, and pretty impressively colicky. I remember walking and walking the floor with him in my arms and wondering if the night would ever end. He's my asthma child, my surgery baby (see this post about his ptosis surgery), my wee engineer, my collector, and my thinker. I love working with him, having quiet moments alone together and watching all his little interests flicker and glitter as he tries on new ideas and expresses his likes and dislikes. Have a look yourself!

Dee Dislikes:

• The strings in fresh mango
• Spicy things....except for salsa...he likes salsa
• Pebbles in his shoes
• Buckling his seat belt
• Rumpled tags in the back of his shirt
• Getting things stuck in his teeth
• Ru, making faces
• Eating with a fork
• Tomato sauce on his pasta
• Open containers...he has to put lids on bottles, fasten hinges, lock locks and close boxes.
• Sunshine in his eyes
• Sleeping
• Red peppers
• Strong wind
• Having his hair cut or washed
  

Dee Likes:

• Painting (he could paint by the hour...especially if alone)
• Wiping things down with a sponge
• Watering plants (with his own little watering can)
• Baby ducks
• Soft eggs yolks
• The color yellow (everything should be yellow)
• Spiderman and Batman
• Motorcycles
• All seafood....smoked salmon, shrimp cocktail, steamed lobster....you name it!
• Cutting things with scissors
• Being outdoors alone
• Listening to birds "talk"
• Muffins
• Pancakes
• Steak
• Milk

Ru: At The Moment

Our oldest turned five two days ago. Five years old. Unbelievable. Party and real celebration is forthcoming (enough time for mommy to feel sane after returning from our trip) but in the meantime, we're busy prepping and talking about all the fun to come, working and re-working his birthday Legos over and over. His first big boy Legos, he's old enough to work the little bitty kind and not just the big variety.

Fun to see what he is developing to be. Time for another listy snapshot, don't you think?

Here's our oldest boy at the moment:

He Likes:

• Animals, especially dogs and horses
• Guns (not Mommy's favorite...not really sure what to do with this one)
• Competition
•  Donuts
• His own private water bottle
• Making faces
• Doing yard work with Daddy
• Lemonade
• Tools 
• The color red
• Washing dishes
• Video game arcades (which he calls "art caves")
• Climbing trees
• His sunglasses
• Bow ties
• Showers
• People

He Dislikes:

• Socks that are too long
• Seafood
• Raisins
• Being put on the spot
• Storms
• Buttoning his pants himself
• Saying goodbye
• Sleeping
• The end of reading time
• Sitting still at dinner
• Small forks
• Having people see him naked
• Spicy foods
• The ends of movies
• Visible herbs in his food

Half Way Around The Sun

Nib is six months old. Halfway around the sun for the first time in his external life.

He's getting super big lately, I feel like he's made of silly putty, he keeps stretching. Sometimes it seems like he's longer every single time I pick him up. I noticed yesterday when I sat down to nurse him that he's clearly to that funny stage where they are developmentally still "baby" but they're so large that doing the baby stuff is getting a little cumbersome: he fills every inch of the changing table, his legs kick and flop well out of my arms during nursing sessions  and he is starting to look a little out-sized in his backwards carseat position. He's living in the stage of Almost/Not Quite.

He has three teeth now, his two front bottom rabbit teeth and one side tooth on the top left. I think more are on the way. He's drooling buckets, cramming everything into his mouth and gnawing persistently on his own raw hands. He's bitten me a few times now while nursing but nothing hard enough or mean spirited enough yet that I am tempted to wean him instantly. He's a good natured early tooth boy.

Such fun. So, I thought I'd maiden voyage and add Nib to the tradition of Like and Dislike lists and see what I could catalog for him at the very new age of just 6 months of life. Here's what I've got:

Likes:

• Peek-a-boo
• Slow braised beef (all fall apart tender). He sucked down about a half a cup of it the other night at dinner and fell asleep, slurping his last fistful, propped up on the tray of his highchair. Super cute.
• Ice cream (his first food and one of his favorites)
• Big brother Ru's antics, specially performed to make him smile
• A good crust of bread for chewing
• Splashing in the bath
• Balloons, both to hold onto and to watch
• Kicking his feet...he kicks while sitting on the floor, just to see his little booties wiggle. 
• People. Nib will go into anyone's arms and grin at every charming granny that coos in his direction. He's such fun to go places with, people love him.
• The rustle of paper, he is into ripping it at the moment

Dislikes:

• Having his feet tucked into pajamas...he kicks and peddles the first one out, squawking loudly, while you try to wrestle the second in. It's very exciting.
• Canned, baby food carrots. He makes the most terrific faces about just one spoonful. 
• Being bored. 
• Swallowing solid, bits of things. He gags and panics quite a bit still. 
• Having his face wiped off
• Wearing socks. He can pull those suckers off faster than you would believe.
• Opening his mouth to show off his teeth.
• Going quickly down the stairs in someone's arms...you can feel him shudder and tighten his grip at every step. 
• Having cool things taken from him. He howls indignantly if I take back my shoe to put it on my foot after he's found it on the shoe rack and decided to consider it his personal treasure.
• Sleeping in. He's his mama's boy. He talks loudly and cheerfully if we're slow to rise, until I cave and get up with him.

A Catalog of "Dee-lights"

I'm slowly working my way through capturing all three boys, (if you hadn't guessed already) so, today our middle-man. Dee is fabulous through and through, a completely and thoroughly different animal from his brothers and such a very concentrated personality. Love him to pieces.

Dee Likes:

• Knobs, buttons, levers, locks, screws....any tiny, little mechanism
• Seafood of all kinds...if it lives in water, he'll eat it with relish. You asks for canned sardines as a treat. 
• This book.
• Ataulfo mangoes...not the standard variety which he rejects summarily. He cares a lot about texture. The normal mangoes are too stringy but Ataulfos are super creamy and smooth. He and I eat them together. :)
• Painting! (He and his big brother can do this together by the hour)
• Maple syrup (he'll scoop it off the top of his plain yogurt at breakfast and slyly sip it away and ask for more...not that that plan really works our for him, but he does try)
• Milk, yogurt, cheese, butter and cream, cream, cream. He's our dairy boy. He'd be very happy to never drink anything else. I try to get him to drink a little water now and then.
• Forklifts...not sure where that came from, but its a downright obsession.
• Black olives...he loves manipulateable food and gets no end of fun out of capping all his little fingers with olive hats.
• His penis. (Well! I'm just saying!)
• Closing doors. He's kind of compulsive about making sure nothing is ajar. It bugs him.
• This song. Makes me smile all the time that my two year old walks around singing The Beatles.
• And also this song.
• The concept of "treasure." He's always hunting it and showing it to me and talking about some.
• A's dad. He talks all the time lately about how he "wikes Grandpa Awen...he so nice!"
• Sitting on the toilet. Not sure why. Maybe its great to be alone in there or something? He'll sit and sit and sit and sit...we've started instituting time limits.

 Dee Abhors:

• Keeping his shoes on in the car...I'm really trying to teach him this, especially as the cold weather approaches.
• Changing his clothes.
• Having his hair washed.
• People laughing at him, even in a kind way...he really can't handle it.
• Going down the stairs...not sure why this is suddenly a huge panic button issue, but...yeah.
• Taking naps. He's ridiculously hard to put to sleep these days...far harder than his older brother.
• Hard boiled egg yolks....he peels the whites off and eats them and hands me the pale yellow ball of "yucky part"
• Crowds. He loves it when everyone goes away and he's alone or all the other kids go away and he has a few select grown-ups to himself.
• Spots on his food. He picks them off or cries broken-heartedly....depending on how high his energy tank is at the moment.
• Being sticky. He will happily play outdoors and get all muddy but he'll be beside himself if he gets jam all gummed all over his arm.
• Being put on the spot. He'll melt down instantly. He is not the kind of kid you ask to do a few party tricks for your friends. Heh.
• Spicy foods. He will cry and wipe his tongue with his hand frantically and say, "Its too picey!
• Having his portrait taken. You have to be very subtle to take a good picture of him. There's no way he'll go for "Smile, Dee!" Insta-sob-fest.

These photos of just make my heart pitter-patter. You can feel so palpably what a sweet soul he is. He was just delighted with the fact that he'd been given this tiny pinwheel at church and then that he'd discovered the wind would blow it outdoors. I love how fixated he was and how placidly pleased it made him. I loved it when he closed his eyes to see how it felt too. 

This particular little guy has been quite difficult to parent in some ways, but that particularity also makes him such a wonderful and fascinating little person. I can't wait to see what he becomes.

Ru Snapshot

Today the beginning of a new bevy of lists. Kids tastes and interests, even their most passionate ones, change like the wind. At the moment...this is a snapshot of my oldest son.

Ru Likes

avocados

(he and I scoop avocados out of the shells with spoons together)

sweets

forklifts

 chocolate milk

"fixers" (repairmen of all stripes)

taking pictures 

skateboarding and skateboarders

pudding

Aunt Gigi's apple cake

 buses

baking things

dinosaurs

farmers

being read to

(we're working on Little House In The Big Woods)

sausages of all kinds

plain cheese pizza (I am mortified)

weed whackers and leaf blowers

dogs, of all kinds

Darth Vader

salad

helping A take out the garbage

marbles

painting (both walls and watercolors)
St. Marcellin cheese

snow

having a knife at dinner

drinking water

his flip-flops 

(he's very sad about the non flip-flop winter footwear custom)

salt on his food....lots of salt

mopping the floor

washing dishes

peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

Ranch dressing

Ru Can't Stand

tomato sauce on his pasta

fish of any kind

taking a nap

having his food cut up for him

long socks

zipping his coat up 

(he prefers to wear the whole thing flapping open, hanging by the hood from his forehead)

soup

having anyone in the room while he's dressing

having anyone think he's "dumb" (his current paranoia)

mangoes

waiting for winter

being put on the spot

dried pineapple

pants that are too short