"She refused to be bored, chiefly because she wasn't boring." Zelda Fitzgerald

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Ash Wednesday For Mommies

LentImage by jezobeljones via Flickr
Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the holy Lenten season. I accidentally slept too late to attend our parish's Ash Wednesday service and receive ashes but, I did enjoy a special morning prayer session, thought about ashing myself (but chickened out), listened to high, ringing Gregorian chant and took the kids for a soothing drive during naptime. I needed some thinking space.

Atlantic Ocean (Feb. 6, 2008) Electronics Tech...Image via Wikipedia

We went winding our way up the road, slow driving, silent radio, windows cracked, just looking to see what we saw. I brought my pruning shears and clipped some feral forsythia and then stopped again at the side of a little marsh and snipped a bouquet pussy willows and thought of the pussy willow tree leaning over our late-condo unit.

I parked the car in an ancient New England graveyard and unrolled the window to breath a little of the early spring chill. I called my sister and talked to her, digesting parenting maxims and our latest epiphanies and spiritual development. A bluebird flew past and landed in a tree directly in front of me. I've never seen a bluebird in my life. I have to say that the idea that it might be a sign, crossed my mind.

They are doing The Stations of the Cross at our church every Friday and I am toying with trying to go and take the boys. I know it sounds a little nuts to take children through something so somber and mature but, I am not sure I could find a way to go without them and I think there's something good about showing children that life includes death and sorrow and heaviness. This is real and in many ways good.

I am still not exactly sure what I am giving up for Lent. And yeah...here we are on the first day already. I have considered giving up the comfort of my pillow but I honestly think it might not be much of a sacrifice since I occasionally sleep flat on the mattress for part of the night anyhow. I have toyed with different food penances and am not sure I have anything very solid there and I am not sure where else to go with my mental train of thought but I am still praying and waiting with open hands for something I can release. Letting go can be so good.

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