I love the green, lush coating of Virginia creeper on the stone wall here. It's the front lawn of the Catholic church around the corner. I have a thing for Catholic churches....so old and mysterious, weighted with solemn dignity. I am also intimidated by them though, which is why I walk past, have even prowled the grounds of this church but have never satisfied my longing to inside. They are beautiful but they feel exclusive, exotic and special but also set-apart and purposely exclusive. I do mean to actually go in. I want to slip in sometime and pray in the light slanting down from the stained glass windows, light a candle and genuflect at the beautiful altar. It's a kind of introverted Mommy fantasy of mine, private prayer in the small cathedral around the corner.

Moss and Brick

Time for a little bragging on my partner. A has been working with me on a strange little vision I had for a particular corner of our yard.We have this nook against the back of the house where the stone foundation creates two walls around a sheltered little garden spot. When we bought the house it was already a special feeling place.

One day while digging there, my spade hit a little china statue of St. Francis, resting in the black dirt and now he sits in the top of my china cabinet (probably some Catholic sacrilege to dig him out from under the roses and bring him in but I am none the wiser for having done it). The moss grows green and moist here and there were ferns of several varieties that didn't live anywhere else on the property. It was green and lush and the grass was even usually happy. I decided it needed to be a slightly enclosed, circular kind of contemplation garden. The kind of place where you could bring a good book and have a good cry, or a little boy could be alone with his favorite Matchbox cars which all have secret names. Eventually I want to enclose it quite a bit and have the flowers and things inside it be special lush haven. Someday there's going to be a little burbling fountain and a bench or chair for resting but for now...there's the first amazing, real piece.

Wall in progress, still a little sod on the right to be lifted and filled under.

Some of the old bricks we found on our property that got worked into the sides.

A built me a brick retaining wall, making the lawn a perfect little circle. The bricks will age and the moss will move in and sometime very soon I'll lay a set of steps. I'm rather in love with the effect. A was very energetic about the project, peeling back the sod and shoveling good topsoil underneath to raise it all the a level plain, morning after early morning before work. I am very impressed. Not bad for a guy with no masonry experience, eh? I think its all pretty magical.

Tah Dah!!!!! The finished beauty...minus steps.

Can't Get Enough Benedictus!

A couple of times a week I am in the car driving and the boys are listening to endless loops of Little House on the Prairie on cd and I feel like the chauffeur. This is when I put in my headphones and push play on my iPhone's Divine Office app. I know this sounds totally canned but it's true. I drive down the highway and listen to/pray through morning prayer complete with cathedral bell sounds and a meditation chime at the appropriate spots, sometimes even a little chant for my listening pleasure. For those who don't know, this is an ancient Catholic ritual something like the Muslim's morning call to prayer a cyclical, rhythmic spiritual pattern. It calms me, it makes me feel less used and lonely and it gives me a tiny spot of reflection and peace and on the highway no less!



My favorite part lately that I can't seem to get out of my head comes at the very end, it's called The Benedictus, the final blessing, the part that really reverberates for me is this last stanza:

Image via Wikipedia

"In the tender compassion of our God,  the dawn from on high shall break upon us, to shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death, and to guide our feet into the way of peace."

Image via Wikipedia

Isn't that gorgeous? I may have to paint it on a canvas or inscribe it on one of the walls in our house.  I think only way it would be better is if it was prayed over me as the sun rose, in the door of a candlelit cathedral or on a cliff over the sea.

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Ash Wednesday For Mommies

Image by jezobeljones via Flickr

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the holy Lenten season. I accidentally slept too late to attend our parish's Ash Wednesday service and receive ashes but, I did enjoy a special morning prayer session, thought about ashing myself (but chickened out), listened to high, ringing Gregorian chant and took the kids for a soothing drive during naptime. I needed some thinking space.

Image via Wikipedia

We went winding our way up the road, slow driving, silent radio, windows cracked, just looking to see what we saw. I brought my pruning shears and clipped some feral forsythia and then stopped again at the side of a little marsh and snipped a bouquet pussy willows and thought of the pussy willow tree leaning over our late-condo unit.

I parked the car in an ancient New England graveyard and unrolled the window to breath a little of the early spring chill. I called my sister and talked to her, digesting parenting maxims and our latest epiphanies and spiritual development. A bluebird flew past and landed in a tree directly in front of me. I've never seen a bluebird in my life. I have to say that the idea that it might be a sign, crossed my mind.

They are doing The Stations of the Cross at our church every Friday and I am toying with trying to go and take the boys. I know it sounds a little nuts to take children through something so somber and mature but, I am not sure I could find a way to go without them and I think there's something good about showing children that life includes death and sorrow and heaviness. This is real and in many ways good.

I am still not exactly sure what I am giving up for Lent. And yeah...here we are on the first day already. I have considered giving up the comfort of my pillow but I honestly think it might not be much of a sacrifice since I occasionally sleep flat on the mattress for part of the night anyhow. I have toyed with different food penances and am not sure I have anything very solid there and I am not sure where else to go with my mental train of thought but I am still praying and waiting with open hands for something I can release. Letting go can be so good.

Related articles

• Lent for Dummies (chicagonow.com)
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