Shadow Self Returns From Camp

We just got home from our first legit camping trip as a family. We took the boys to the redwoods and pitched two tents beneath the huckleberry bushes and set up shop with our cooler for a pantry. Every meal was over the open fire or else cold leftovers, we swam in the river every day, picked wild berries and kept strict daylight hours. I wish I could say that I came home elated and freshened and all Walden 'ed up. I am afraid I actually came home desperately tired of stumbling out of my tent in the dark, groping for the door of my kids tent zipper and trying to shush whoever was waking before the whole campground was awakened, I was sick of scrubbing dishes in tepid water and getting them sort of clean, I was was exhausted from lighting fires to try to cook anything and I was dying to take a shower and peel off the filthy blue jeans I wore every day all weekend. There were brilliant memories and great times and we were all glad we went and are already planning our tent pitching next year....but still I have this secret disappointment. I didn't feel like I wanted to. I wanted to be alive in the woods and feel free and lighter, to come home inspired to live more simply and to embrace more of the world of a life between the campfire and the tent. Instead, I feel worn thin and so grateful to live where I do and when I do. Have I softened with old age or am I just realizing that I have not given this pampered shadow self of mine enough voice?

Pumpkin Pie On The Beach

 It was a beautiful day. Whatever ails you, there is little in life that a trip to the redwoods and the beach can't cure. The scenery and sights of nature here are kind of epic. Its super astonishing to keep realizing again that the things we can just zip over and see if we have an hour for driving are pretty national-park-level-of-fabulous. I am a little over-awed and feel ultra-bouyant once we are in the car and driving home from another place that's unbelievable with scenery to make you have an asthmatic episode and animals and plants from an episode of National Geographic. I'm not sure how long it will take to feel like this is my home state just because the level of daily shock and intimidatingly impressed joy is so high. Its hard to be jaded or feel normal or yawn at all. I live in California!

 Today we went to a new beach, Muir Beach, after the redwoods....which we naturally adore. Its all filtered golden light and mossy quiet....well mostly, you know....except for my boys sometimes shrieking and screaming and beating each other with fallen sticks. It does quiet them though, that incredible cathedral grove. I am looking forward to playing hostess to friends and family who come out to visit and have never been to a redwood grove.

It was a day of lots of fresh air, all warm and bright. Pom took a nap in the sand and we chased crabs as big as our hands put together in and out of the waves, climbed up rocks and redwoods and split rail fences. I got my 10,000 steps in without even thinking about it and utterly shorted myself on protein and water.

We are going to love day tripping out into the whirling mass of beauty here, and I have a feeling we will meet friends out at incredible places and hike our heads off. Its a little tricky to figure out how to work A into our adventures because so many of these spots are overrun on weekends. We have to get smarter about packing breakfast picnics and laying clothes out the night before for Saturday morning outings and beat the rush! Of course, this requires more advance planning....like knowing what we plan to do for the weekend....before the weekend. This would imply actual planning and communication about intended targets and chores and free-space for weekend time on Thursday night or something. Hmmm....

 Well, we can always just go listen to more James Taylor and just go with the ridiculously overcrowded flow. Organization is not our strong suite as a couple. May it ever be a target and may we someday communicate and strategize like a siamese twin generals! Someday....

I also bought a pumpkin pie...because it is officially the second day of autumn and I was in a funk and did not feel like baking....also it was 90 degrees today because we are still having a bizarre heat wave. We ate the pie with our hands, on the beach, because I forgot the plastic knife in the van and did not want to hike back to get it. Pumpkin pie is surprisingly festive and manageable beach food! Pom suggested apple pie and I told him that before that happens we have to go to an apple orchard and pick some. Next on my list: field trips to a raw milk dairy farm and apple picking. I am wistfully imagining myself canning applesauce with the boys next week....you know, since my canning jars will be buried on that semi-truck that is arriving on Sunday. That makes sense, right? At least as much sense as eating pumpkin pie with your bare hands on the beach.

Stopping in Santa Barbara to Catch Our Breath....

One of our three guide books we thumb through daily on this trip says something to the effect of: "Santa Barbara--- A town blessed with astonishingly perfect weather, a gorgeous setting and the most beautiful local government building in the country!"

And then we got here and it was blowing, and grey and extremely chill...(maybe 40's or low 50's?)...with the whipping itself into a bitter froth. We hiked from our hotel through the downtown and found the courthouse closed (albeit very pretty on the outside) and did a little high wind browsing of the central shopping area and promenades. But, who cared that we hit our first chilly weather on the trip here in SB and who really had their happiness hung on the interior of the local courthouse anyhow? We were there to eat and see my cousin, the fabulous and incredibly wonderful chef at The Hungry Cat. Wow. We just asked him to throw us his favorites off of the menu and we were seriously blown out of the water. I know that my sentimental clannish feelings color things a tiny bit but, truly people, this will go down as one of the legendary meals of my life in my memories. He sent us wheeling through fresh oysters, chilled prawns, battered artichoke hearts, some of the sweetest crab I've ever tasted, elegant and tender halibut, oyster mushrooms, asparagus and among many others a cheese plate of ultra-stunning quality and a luscious bread pudding/creme brulee. So delicious. And people, truly, words fail me...I am so extremely proud of my clever, knife wielding cousin that I could just burst. He is the American Dream. Reaching for, succeeding, and soaring higher on the wings of his own raw ambition. I aspire, people, I aspire.

Besides our stellar dinner tonight, we've also driven past acres of farm country, carpets of strawberry plants as far as the eye could see and artichokes, lettuce, broccoli to boot. Produce, as far as you can squint. That was Salinas and a few other scattered, dirt black river valleys that we soared through. Lovely places to drive and drive. So green and lush and full of production in the the botanical sense. We toured the Steinbeck museum in Salinas (recommended!) and we both remembered how much we loved his books and how much more there still is to read that he wrote! More tomes for our couple reading list. Steinbeck is wonderful roadtrip reading. Somehow cozy to stand there amongst his personal effects and quotes and think fondly of the man. Note to self: Must make sure A reads Grapes of Wrath. I do like Ma Joad.

We've also been through Big Sur now, that inner artist contemplating, hippy magnet zone of lush redwoods, dripping forest and winding snaky highway, ribboning along the coast. (Not what I was expecting, I thought it'd be much drier and more rolling plains kind of stuff) I did like Big Sur.

We also wandered through our first mission in a lovely little burst of sunshine and warm weather. My idea of what a mission is will probly always reference my experience at Carmel-By-The-Sea. Mmm...wonderful. Missions (or at least this one) are these glorious little cloistered, holy places, with fig trees, rose vines, tumbling nasturtiums, quiet gravel paths and stunning gold leafed silent chapels where candles flicker and you can smell incense from the not so distant past. A and I both wish we could re-create a piece of that in our backyard if/when we get that tudor we're still mulling over.

So, that's the latest...California is still beautiful, still surprising us and our idea of the state is broadening by the moment. Tomorrow we will be hugging my cousins in person and starting our good times with much shoulder rubbing and progeny introducing fun. Am really looking forward to that! Now, I'm off to wake up A and figure out if there's a way to turn on the heat in this hotel room so I can quit sneezing and start snoozing. Sweet dreams all!!!