Quiet Night, Homey Night

Spending a quiet night cruising around on the internets a bit....kids all exhausted from baseball, marathon Lego creating and endless summer light...its just Elizabeth Mitchell and I in the house tonight. There are lullabies in the other room that I can't quite hear and a steady computer buzz in here....and giant stack of paper teetering on the desk next to me. Tomorrow is the day I sort every piece of paper we own and cull it all down into neatly arranged file boxes (or maybe even one!) and turn the office into a haven of neatness and order.

Today was the day that I painted more trim, washed more laundry and managed to actually re-hang the mirror by the front door....every little bit helps. So much to do around here. I am thinking maybe I'll throw one more load of laundry in before I head to sleep. I love the amazing modern magic of having in-house appliances that do chores for you while you are away. Brilliant. I've just started experimenting with the delayed cook settings on my oven. Its really kind of fabulous to stick a roast in there, add seasonings and set it to turn on an appropriate amount of time before you roll into the driveway from kid events with a bunch of whiney littles who are all starving. God bless the dude who invented that idea.

The garden has had a lot of rain and I am woefully behind on trimming, weeding, edging and mowing. I have to get the mower up and running tomorrow and get the lawn in decent shape. I think the pansies in the front planters have finally run the race too. Time to swap them out for some lobelia and marigolds or some other heat lover. They did their best...and now its on to the sweltering set.

The rabbits in the backyard have raised one baby and appear to have hatched the next one. The previous "baby" likes to munch clover in the backyard by the kids sandbox while we are out and then bolt in a panic when we all pull in the driveway. The newer, tinier fluffball of a kit is spending its time hiding out under the giant, lush hostas at the front of the house and runs in a manic dash whenever I do scary things like walk past on my way to turn on the hose. Love seeing them grow up in our yard and also love that the tax they take from our garden is tiny. They sometimes eat the leaves off of our bean plants but mostly they seem to prefer the clover in the lawn. (Yay for lawns that are more than just grass!!!!) I love this about city gardening. No deer. No woodchucks. No chipmunks. No moles. Just a couple of rabbits with a refined palette.

We have come into the weather where a quick run down to the beach after dinner sounds super good. Last night was our last night with A before he flew out this morning and we took a picnic of fridge leftovers, two towels to share and one boogie board and just ran out to the beach in time to take  short dip, eat dinner on the rocks of the point and watch the fishermen haul in sea robins. Then we poked around in the shore debris and collected shells to carry back to the car with us as we hiked up the beach path in the glow of fireflies. It was a great last night together. I hope the sunsets in California make him think of us, we're thinking of him over here. In my empty house tonight I'm thinking of little notes that we can send, ways to stay in touch and things to remember to tell him about tomorrow when we're chirping texts back and forth and having our Good Morning Talk over coffee and sausages. Lots of love, lots of connection, lots of dedicated energy. May you have the same!

Chickens and Togetherness

This week it is spring, edging into summer. The roses are opening...the lawn needs constant babysitting and we wake up every morning to birdsong and open windows. Its beautiful and chaotic and relieving and its smells amazing outdoors.

A is finally back home after nearly a month away from us on the other side of the country. Its been both ridiculously hard to have him gone (we're staying very connected emotionally) and also so amazing to find our stride and realize that we as a family can actually hack insane things like living on two coasts periodically. Pom misses his Daddy more than he ever has before when A travels and he during this trip he did things like breakdown sobbing inconsolably at the sound of his voice over the phone. Its touching to see him getting more verbal and also more clear about his own feelings and about intangible things like missing someone who isn't present: 3 years old approaches.

The chickens are laying well and may be driving the neighbors crazy with their egg calls which thankfully happen when people are mostly at work and houses in the neighborhood are empty. We have to remember to check the coop twice a day to make sure that we don't end up with any silly broody hens or egg eating, because there are always 6 a day now. I have started bringing the girls a cabbage a week to entertain them and give extra summer vitamins. I am also tossing any weeds from the garden into their pen for eating and am impressed with how much them do actually seem to be able to tear off and consume. Chickens are funny because they don't have any teeth or sharp cutting tools and are mostly adapted for eating loose seeds and small bugs that can be gulped whole or else ripping off bits of leaves attached to rooted plants. When I toss in whole weeds I think a lot of them just get trampled since when they pluck on them the whole plant comes along, but if they get into a tug-of-war everyone can actually pull off pieces and sometimes I see a hen use her foot for a tool to hold down the food and help tear it apart.

My sister Lockbox is engaged! That's the other bit of really exciting news around our house. Lots of our idle talk these days is diamond admiring, dress discussion and flower arrangement planning. So much ethereal planning to savor and witness. A wedding is a pretty deliciously cheery occasion, and more importantly I am so pleased for my sister and her man. They're so happy together and the new brother is infinitely approved of.

I have taken a season off of doing a lot of personal watercolor painting this past semester because I was teaching a middle and high school class for our homeschool co-op but now that the school year has ended...I'm free to paint by myself again! I'm so glad I taught, it was empowering (never taught art before!) and fun. I'm hoping to start back to my artist group that meets on Tuesdays this week and cannot wait to get back to the brushes. I might need a trip to the art store for more fresh paper!Yum!

Absence Makes The Fingers Chilly

 One of the things that's super great about A going away on these business trips to California is that we talk together after the kids are in bed in a much more engaged way. We had a great conversation recently about the value of play and experimentation for children. So delicious to get into these really meaningful topics, the kind of thing where your mind does push-ups and gets you really working....as a couple. There's a special kind of real love in that, which really speaks to me.

 We were talking about how much we want our kids to be dabblers, people who learn a little bit about a lot of things and can fit in here and there and everywhere. We want their deep interests to be portable, things that are flexible, things that they can do in lots of locations and with lots of people. We welcome activities, sports, classes and lessons but we want to leave room for fooling around, new ideas, imagination, free time and togetherness. We also have noticed that we need to reign in our own activities to these kind of standards if we expect to be able to enforce the plans for our kids. So much of parenting is like that....parenting yourself so that you can teach your kid things. Sometimes mortifying but meaty truth and solidly good.

 Its still really verging on chilly outside. I can't relax in a t-shirt yet, its still layers and sock wearing weather. The good news about that is that I have a day or two to get to mowing the lawn before it looks scary. The bad news is that the daffodils are out and the plum tree is blooming its head off in the backyard but I still don't really feel like going out. Its just freezy! We're doing a lot of read-alouds (right now One Day And One Amazing Morning On Orange Street) using the dryer even though we could be line drying and ending every day with warm baths in the tub, there is a lot of tea and coffee and we've been slow roasting meats for dinner. Please say that the warm weather comes sometime soon?

 We are all still working out, although I have been fighting my own lack of inspiration in that regard. I'm doing pretty well still with hitting my 10,000 step a day goal but actually getting a muscle building workout in is a little trickier. I have GOT to learn to workout first thing in the morning, I think that is the key. I must not and cannot leave it until later in the day, (God forbid it be the last thing to do once the house is quiet and I am exhausted!) and just hope I work it in. I will chicken out every time. Trying to puzzle over what might be motivating and how to jump-start that process.

Feel so proud of working harder on these things. Love watching the boys copycat me and start playing things together about working out and muscle strength and daring each other to push-up contests. This feels like a truly tangible good thing that we are doing together.

 I painted the kitchen all a clean white, smoothing over the bright, bright green backsplash behind my sink which so shocked many a visitor to my house. Everything is a snowy gloss now and I am trying to decide if it will stay that way or if I will paint the backsplash a soft yellow or something. Choices, choices. Next project will be pulling all the nails in my bedroom walls and spackling over the holes. I also am hoping to go get enough bricks this week to finish the ending I am doing on the front walk. Seems like a simple enough project to bang out if I got motivated....especially if it ever gets warm.

Loving The Hard Work Of Things

Whoops! Its tomorrow. I truly didn't mean to stay up quite that late.

When A is gone time becomes strangely plastic for me. I am astounded, even embarrassed by how much his existence keeps me on a schedule. Somehow, knowing that he is coming home at a certain time or that he is trying to get to the gym in the morning or that he will want to eat at such and such an hour is a major motivator for me. I'm glad that I care about him and notice what he wants and needs, I'm a little concerned (hence the embarrassment) that as much as I thrive on a schedule and feel that I own my own use of routine and timing....its rather quick to fall away and become a mangled mess as soon as A is out of the house. I am finding it terribly hard to do most any of the usual things with my former vigor: getting up on time, having proper meals, making sure the kids clear the table, getting the animals fed bright and early, etc. Someone tell me this does not equate to a complete lack of moral fiber and starch on my part. Anyone?

We did manage to get the chicken coop totally finished! I forgot to take a nice shot of the finished coop....I'll have to add one later in the week. Its incredibly nice, almost absurdly nice, really. The six hens seem to have settled right in and made themselves at home. They are laying without interruption and no longer having riots at the fence and trying to all moshpit themselves out the door everytime I open the pen. I'm glad to see them so occupied and happy. They're now stationed right next to the compost pile which is giving them lots of good material to scratch about in and for a chicken....life couldn't be sweeter than living in a redwood mansion over a pile of kitchen waste. Good times abound.

The boys are doing all kinds of little handicraft projects lately. Ru has been dabbling in woodcarving after one of our recent readalouds featured a Swiss woodcarver, Dee has discovered detailed paper cutting and paper chains and Nib is really into coloring books and has started some of his first clearly representational art lately. Even Pom has begun drawing his own little crayon scribble storms on paper....and only once in Sharpie on a dining room chair which I think is a pretty good score. I would love to get all of them to do a little bit of some kind of art to use for Christmas presents this year. Have to mull over how to work it all in. So many wonderful things to make and do in the world.

Off to bed now before the gremlins get me! I've got a full day tomorrow and brand new towels that I bought myself for a treat which require a hot shower during some mama alone-time early in the morning. Somebody remind me to let go of my insane need to procrastinate and actually stay on track with my schedule tomorrow. My guitar teacher wisely quipped this past week....."one of the great keys to life is to learn to find real motivation and personal pleasure in the practice and work of life because that is most of life." I feel the need. Have to figure out how that works and what you do to switch your inner switch.

Exhausted In The Autumn

So tired tonight, y'all. So tired. Also....it is 30 minutes past midnight and maybe that has something to do with it.

A and I have been slowly making shifts in our marriage and parenting plans...most of which are about more equality, more honesty, more acceptance. The upside is that I am getting more concrete help around the house, and being more verbal and truthful about what I need. The downside is that these California Weeks are SO MUCH HARDER!!!! Its amazing how much support one other grown-up who truly cares about you can be after a day of complete immersion with kids. Children are drowning in the drama and stress of growing and learning and being small and wanting to be big. Its super draining to be around. My poor sister Lockbox has been kind of shell-shocked by the enormity of living with that whole business.

After marinading in all that crazy, its immensely powerful to have another human adult be with you at the end of the day when the house is finally quiet. Its out of sight to have another human who washes the dishes while you put boys in pajamas, who turns down the bed while you put in a load of wash, who makes you a mug of tea while you change into pajamas. The thought of having that again after these California Weeks makes me cry....every single time.

Tonight is just one of those nights. I cried on the phone with A. I cried after I hung up. I am too tired, and I will feel better after I sleep. Also I am hormonal which never helps. (Must drink balancing herbal teas!) But truth, guys....being loved and supported is such a wonderful and important thing for me. I feel very lucky and can't believe that it took this long in our marriage to figure this out. Life is weird.

Tonight, as I tuck myself in and enjoy my starfish sleep positions....I'm sending out mad, mad props to you single mamas. You are heroes....I have no idea how you do it. Wanna grab coffee?