"She refused to be bored, chiefly because she wasn't boring." Zelda Fitzgerald

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Exhausted In The Autumn

So tired tonight, y'all. So tired. Also....it is 30 minutes past midnight and maybe that has something to do with it.

A and I have been slowly making shifts in our marriage and parenting plans...most of which are about more equality, more honesty, more acceptance. The upside is that I am getting more concrete help around the house, and being more verbal and truthful about what I need. The downside is that these California Weeks are SO MUCH HARDER!!!! Its amazing how much support one other grown-up who truly cares about you can be after a day of complete immersion with kids. Children are drowning in the drama and stress of growing and learning and being small and wanting to be big. Its super draining to be around. My poor sister Lockbox has been kind of shell-shocked by the enormity of living with that whole business.

After marinading in all that crazy, its immensely powerful to have another human adult be with you at the end of the day when the house is finally quiet. Its out of sight to have another human who washes the dishes while you put boys in pajamas, who turns down the bed while you put in a load of wash, who makes you a mug of tea while you change into pajamas. The thought of having that again after these California Weeks makes me cry....every single time.

Tonight is just one of those nights. I cried on the phone with A. I cried after I hung up. I am too tired, and I will feel better after I sleep. Also I am hormonal which never helps. (Must drink balancing herbal teas!) But truth, guys....being loved and supported is such a wonderful and important thing for me. I feel very lucky and can't believe that it took this long in our marriage to figure this out. Life is weird.

Tonight, as I tuck myself in and enjoy my starfish sleep positions....I'm sending out mad, mad props to you single mamas. You are heroes....I have no idea how you do it. Wanna grab coffee?


1 comment:

  1. I understand all you have said and felt here! Though I am old, I still remember....! xo