Calling My Sisters In The Eye Of The Storm

Last night I made my first ever trip to the Emergency Room with Pom. A glass floor lamp fell on him and cut open his lip in two spots and it took a little while to clot. He wouldn't hold still and let me examine it for glass and was really panicking so, older brothers and I rushed around the house collecting extra shoes and my purse and everyone's jackets and made a panicky little trip to our local ER. He was fine. No stitches, no glass in the cut.

This afternoon a close friend's little toddler had a serious finger laceration and a we had a mutual shaky stomach prayer session over jerky texts. It flooded me right back into that scary spot I was in last night. I was so taken back in by the undertow of the feeling that I stopped what I was doing and told the women who happened to be around me and we stood there with mama tears in our eyes and prayed out all our worries and then hugged each other and hugged each other some more.

Then this evening another close pal reported that she was just in a serious accident and although the car is smashed up and she is feeling very wobbly emotionally....they are all okay. Whew.

I am tempted to say that it is all too much. Enough with the emergencies and the accidents and feeling vulnerable as a mama. Sheesh! But, you know....I was talking to my new friends today at our homeschool co-op and we were discussing emergencies and I mentioned that I sometimes worry about who to call if I need a hand, if I can't reach my husband, if I have to troubleshoot a scenario that's scary...and we all laughed when I realized out loud that the right people to call are the other women, patiently listening to me and also dealing with this kind of thing. We mamas have to have each other's backs. Its great if you have a spouse who is willing to field questions from his desk at work or a mother-in-law who can drop everything and come over to drive you to the doctor but when in doubt, a person who is in that same boat and knows that mama panic personally is the right person to call. There's something very bonding and healing about going through emergencies together, about the feminine connective instinct to nurture which echoes and calms your own reflexes and about the community of collective feminine experience open to your needs in a moment of desperation. I certainly have no desire to wish more emergencies on my community but, I'd love to be equipped to help my sisters in the neighborhood and the other mamas in my co-op. I'd also love to build an instinct to call another woman or two when things are rough and plan to lean in to the safety net of others when I emergencies crop up.

Sitting here thinking about this way I want to live made me remember the time last summer when my next door neighbor lady had an emergency and I happened to see the rescue vehicles arrive. I peeked over the fence nervously and smiled and waved at her when she was scared and I ended up helping her call her daughter, bringing her a cup of calming tea and just sitting with her and giving her hugs until her daughter arrived. I forgot that I did that for her and how good it felt. If it felt good to me then I have remember that it will be just as powerful for others when I let them help me. Yes, I only have one car, I don't have medical training, I don't know the area super well but, I know people who can help with all those concerns....and I can provide Bandaids, mugs of soothing tea or lend my phone out to a mama who needs help. Lets have each other's backs, lets call when we are scared and lets quite trying to be self-sufficient and step into interdependence. This is womanhood.

Long Hair Journeys

I miss my long hair.

Super-long, last year....long enough to sit on. 

I mean, to normal people, I look like I have long hair. It is long. Its just not as long as it has been in the past....for me, its pretty short at the moment, barely sweeping waist length.

Super-long and braided...last year.

I've talked about my long hair before. I've always had it long. Always. Once, while I was in college I cut to a scandalous short bra-strap length but, that's about as short as my hair has ever been since I was a toddler. Its kind of been a love/hate thing. My mom has always been kind of vicarious about my long hair....okay, my dad too....  They both love it and now my husband loves it, and that has made me (at some stages of my life) kind of agressively question whether I actually loved it myself or if I was just scared of not being pleasing.

Last summer....after I trimmed the ends a little.

I have really thought about cutting it several times but there is something that just stops me. I know that growing out your hair takes time and nutrition and in many people its something much easier when you're young. I know that people it off and then mean to grow it out and again and never have the patience. I also know that there's a romance to having my hair long that is very personal. I love the connection to myth and history, the combination of wild woman and elegant damsel. I love the feel of it falling over my shoulders and the way it feels to swim underwater with long hair (total mermaid fantasy!), riding horses with long hair is also pretty idyllic. It "grew on me" and even though I have contemplated cutting it all off at some point, it has become one of my symbols and part of who I am. I no longer consider chopping it all but instead plan to have long silver and then white hair. One of the tricks with bleaching my hair (I do bleach) is that I have to do a lot of extra conditioning and pay attention to my ends, especially when it gets quite long.

This past Sunday

This last year I finally got my hair to a goal of hip-length and it was so much fun...but it also got totally abused and dried out and my ends were all damaged. I did a rejuvenating cut which took it way up to mid-back and back to healthy, strong strands...but it also makes me bite my lip when I look in the mirror. It takes so long to grow it back out! I'm trying Viviscal for a while to see if it makes a noticeable difference and brings back the length and fullness I am missing. I think its helping! This is my hair right now and its finally hitting waist length again.