Growing 32

I have begun my 32nd year. 

There are 32 teeth in an adult's mouth naturally...should his wisdom teeth grow in straight and strong. I am here standing beginning my 32nd year and watching my baby get his first two teeth at exactly the same time. I feel like I've cut quite a few ivories myself this year in the development of my character and personal growth.

This last year has been a year of big spiritual understanding for me, a year of dreams, a year of finally feeling like I grasped some shred of motherhood, a year for cracking open myself and understanding pieces of humanity and myself that have puzzled me for ages. It has been my maiden voyage into the role of educator, a year of discovering nutritional health and healing and a confirmation of my household as a place where multiple men will be born and come of age. I feel wiser this year, more hopeful, rooted, and more pleased with who I am becoming than ever before. I am letting go of fears I never knew were poisoning me, opening my inner door to hope and love and freedom of a richer kind and learning  the beginnings of what it means to say no from a place of deep health and warmth and positive energy.

He has two teeth!

Newtown happened on my birthday this year and I've had more than one person tell me that they are "so sorry" this happened on "my" day. While I understand the sentiment I feel in some ways like it is also appropriately emblematic. Life and growth don't happen when things are simple and peaceful. Those are time for reflection and soaking in warmth. True strength is made perfect in weakness and true beauty is only shown in contrast to broken ugliness. I'm not asking life to hand me trouble or sadness or calamity but I am expecting that what God gives is my intended spiritual exercise and I am slowly learning to unclench my fists, look for love and resist nothing...even the things that need to change.

Roses...which came to the door for me from my parents and sisters. Love with petals on. 

As my state heals I am praying for growth in the healing.... for love to abound and out of it for people to find hope and peace and great vigor. Life is a miracle, however speckled with pain and darkness....the bright glimpses in between are shot through with incredible stuff that I lately can't even express because it is so beautiful and I increasingly feel so lucky to be a part of it all. 

Upright

New this week: Pom is an upright sort of a person! He can sit up for a short period of time and he's sturdy enough to be slung on a hip while standing at the window or stirring dinner. This is a good development...he's getting really heavy! He's also a grab-machine. This afternoon while I was trying to eat lunch and stopped to pour the two year old some water, Pom took the opportunity to grab my fork off my plate and throw it across the table excitedly. Love watching him discover the world. He's high on crinkling paper munching, curtain waving and slobbery kiss-giving right at the moment. Soaking it all in....Happy Weekend Y'all!

Six Times Around

He's having a great day and he's been around the sun six whole times now! Today Ru turns six years old. We're celebrating some today (lunch at the local cafe, cake and special dinner at home and maybe, maybe a short romp at The Children's Museum this afternoon) and then a little more on Saturday after Daddy A has had a chance to get out and do a little top secret shopping for the man-of-the-hour.

Am so pleased to have shared a little over half a decade with this spunky boy. He's all buzz and high octane, has taught me a lot about myself and about children and been the source of loads of wonderful memories already. I cannot wait for another year of them. Am reminding myself of all the little ways I'm thankful for this boy with the twinkly eyes and the dimple and trying to keep things cheery for him in the midst of this really busy week. BUT...that said, I can't stay long....its nap-time which means it is time for all good birthday fairies to get busy with balloon arranging and cake decorating and burger prepping for all manner of party goodness which will go down tonight!

Stairs? Check.

Somebody climbs. 

This week he made it to the top  of the stairs that connects the downstairs with the second floor for the first time. All self propelling....zip, zip, zip, right up  there. No pauses, no refunds.

Its official. He's a climber. Let the Olympics begin!

Still working on teaching him how to back down them again. Might want to get serious about those lessons right about now, eh? 

He's a wild one. Fits right in.

The Handsome 8th Month

Nib, our little big-man is 8 months old! 

 He continues to be sunny and easy-going although he's starting to "mature" into a more opinionated fellow: he'll go to most anyone's arms for a grinning visit but he requires a strong right shoulder pin these days to keep him on the changing table while you reach for a wipe.

  We are starting to think about how we'll celebrate his birthday (Oh wow does it sound good to have May be looming!!!!) and are happy to see him blooming and opening and becoming his own, shining, little person.

He says "Dada!" clearly and proudly, cruising on furniture incessantly, eats most anything besides cow's milk, honey and citrus and is the triumphant owner of seven teeth. He dances, he sword-fights (thank you older brothers) and his favorite food is ice-cream. Ladies, he'll be available in about 18 years for bids...until then, swoon chicas, swoon. This one's a winner.

Vital Life Insights

In my plan to savor my own life experience and really accept age and the passing of time and wisdom and not just smooth skin and young energy...I have just made a new step forward. We, all of us, are learning things, all the time....lessons that are our own little gold nuggets that slowly compile to create wisdom. I think it's a shame that we never really consciously examine what we've learned and what we are learning and turn each nugget over in our hands, really looking at it and really feeling it between our fingers, appreciating the things we have learned through hard won experience.

I used to be a big journaler, never really consistantly the every-single-day diary scribbler, but consistant enough that I've filled several lined books with reams of accounts of "what I did today." I don't journal that way anymore. I'm glad that I did it because it got me started: I wrote, I thought, however shallowly about my life and my self. These days my journalling is more expressive and more insightful and much more useful, I use my journal to sort out my insides and plot life in ways that count and make sense.

All my classic lined page journals.

My current journals (I have two at the moment, one for writing and one for visuals) are a little out of the box. This is what journalling looks like for me right now. I'm often answering questions, making lists, making bold statements and writing down my hopes and small healing reminders to the tattered, quiet bit of me inside.

My visual journal

My written journal, in a sketchbook.

This week I decided to start making a list of my major life insights in my writing journal. We all know there are certain trite bits of wisdom (however true and meaningful) that could pepper any individual's list, but what I'm talking about instead are the things that feel vital to you right now. Personal insights: things that have to do with your own individual thinking and pondering and feeling and reading. Here are some good ways to dig them up if nothing is coming to you.

• Revisit old journal entries (if you journal) and look for recurrent themes.
• Think about the things you're talking about all the time to your spouse, your children, your best friend, your mom...vital bits of wisdom are often things we're so struck by that we talk about them over and over while digesting.
• Think about someone who bugs you a lot and ask yourself what they are doing that you would never do, write that down and look at it. Is there some life insight there that you can gather up?
• Look around you at your bookshelves and remember, as you spot particular books, important things you learned from them.
• Think about a painful life experience you've had. Are there any life lessons you can say you learned through it?
• What did you trip over lately and then you say to yourself "I sure thought I learned that a long time ago!"
• What do you consider to be the most important things your parents and your spiritual community have taught you?

So....there's some prompts to get you going. I'd love to hear what you're all learning at the moment, feel free to share in the comments.

Here's what's on my list so far:

1. Christianity, and maybe all of life is about LOVE...and nothing more.
2. We are all failures who are valuable.
3. All personal connections/relationships in life are good and of value.
4. I need respect.
5. Morning headstarts are the key to sanity.
6. Kindness earns you love, respect comes via achievement.
7. All emotions are valid and need to be looked in the eye and accepted, even the big scary ones.
8. Beauty is important for my vibrant health.
9. Junk food addiction is passive suicide.
10. Generosity is very important.
11. Repetition=Skill
12. Anger, unaddressed becomes bitterness.

 What has life taught you through experience? Dish it out!

Poetry Friday: A Noun List

Today I am sharing a poem I wrote five years ago...the year I was 25. This poem is sort of a word game I challenged myself to. I decided to have a go at writing something personal and slightly vulnerable that included the top 25 most common nouns in the English language. All the nouns are in capitals.

I've included a few shots of my circa 2005-6 for your enjoyment, give you a little image in your mind of the "me" that is speaking.

My Uncommon Experience

I have found my PLACE in the spiral of TIME
My niche between WOMAN and CHILD
I am hovering in this 25th YEAR
Breathing in my fully fragrant LIFE
I savor the WAY I fit snugly with this MAN,
Our love a snapping, tender THING
But just broken-in enough to leave a
PERSON feeling warmed at the sight of us.
I cherish the pizzazz of youth under the
GOVERNMENT of a new womanly knowledge.
I love this DAY when I cup them both in my HAND.
And, I am pausing here, at this comfortable POINT,
Young enough to still have a robust NUMBER of elders
But old enough to have developed a mothering EYE,
Respect, keeping COMPANY with
A cozy amount of irresponsibility.
I am suspending animation for just this WEEK,
Just long enough to WORK this GROUP of moments
Into that fat CASE of files marked “Great Feelings,”
I will chew slowly, nourished on the delicacy
That is this minute PART of my life in the
WORLD distilled into a fleeting seasonal dish.
The great PROBLEM is: The FACT of Time's moving on.

If you would like to see more Poetry Friday participant posts, head on over to Random Noodling for the full list.

Intergenerational Parenting

You know that old saying about how it "takes a village to raise a child?" I have always had mixed feelings. I mean, really...people use it to say that somehow parenting their child is everyone's business and for real, how reasonable is that in some ways. It feels lightly invasive (everyone should be all up in my parental business) and also a bit helpless  (I can't parent my own anyhow...nobody can!). And although I really like people and I'm super borderline, on the Myers-Briggs scale I am an introvert. For folks like me, the idea of parenting posing as the ultimate group project (Man, did I hate those in school!) is a little headache producing. Blech. Can I just go off in my own little corner now?

A's Mom with my neice

Yes, except that there's something to it! Of course we all are responsible for our own families and sometimes its really great to be able to make your own choices about your children's upbringing, there is great comfort and sometimes even brilliant wisdom in the input of other people. Today, I'm vouching especially for the wisdom of the older crowd.

When I was growing up I lived most of my young childhood a ways away from my grandparents but, I was raised by a mom who really cared deeply about inter-generational interaction. My parents weren't perfect but they were spot on about some things. This is one of those things that I so appreciate.

A's uncle with Ru and my other neice

Even though my grandparents were far away, I had a fair amount of time with them (my parents made visits, phone calls from a very early age, letter writing and lots and lots of photo viewing a big priority) and also lots of great time with psuedo-grandparent types who went to our church, lived in our neighborhood or were friends of the family in some other way.

I am saddened by how much I see current society segregated by age and I am cheered by the fact that although its weird to mix the generations in a social setting, when I initiate on behalf of my children or myself, people are almost always very receptive. Yes, and I have three sets of incredibly caring, and involved grandparents, despite the fact that my children are also far away. That's a pretty lucky break to begin with. Having living grandparents is in no way a given.

A's dad, wedged in our armchair with three of his grandkids

My painting group ladies are half young moms in my own stage of life and half older generation mentor types who spend precious minutes every week talking earnestly to my children about whatever crosses their little minds and tickling my baby under his chin to watch him smile. We also rub shoulders with a couple of neighbors and there are of course several warm grandparent types at our church that wink at our boys and ruffle their hair every time we see them. Our babysitters are also both women who have raised their own little ones and are now pouring a bit of themselves into my babies.

When older folks love on my kids and "help me raise them" I am amazed at how much more I trust their opinions, enjoy their company and am warmed and encouraged by their very non-judgmental attitudes. They have done it all, come up with brilliant plans for keeping pacifiers in and lost their minds during the teething phase and told kids things no mother should ever speak out loud. Such is life. And their children have all grown up, they have a little distance on the all consuming brain-sucking child rearing bit and are able to chuckle about many of the catastrophes they survived. Oh how I love that!

Our wonderful neighbor, reading with Ru after we had her over to dinner

I love the old fashioned tips older folks have, the way they help my little ones learn to speak quietly, move gently and listen more carefully, I love that they think my no-t.v. way of life is fabulous, I love the way the very positive and strengthening attitude they have about even the childhood conundrums they haven't got any solutions for, I love how they encourage my children to be respectful and mannerly, I love that they really appreciate a kid just being a kid, I love that they don't mind sticky fingers, that they know babytalk and big-boy elitism and can move smoothly between them and I love that they're available wherever I'll end up. My own parents and A's are a special form of precious but, folks of their generation and beyond are a never to be overlooked bonus. There are few other things I want for my children relationally  than an inter-generational ease, and a genuine desire to connect to and understand people of varying ages. Try it out, you might find it as buoying as I do.

I dare you to adopt a few grandmas!