Am I My Brother's Shopper?

I took the boys shopping today. This is our Dollar Store Christmas outing, to do their one, big, annual shopping extravaganza of giving. They have pocket money that they are allowed to buy things for themselves with throughout the year...but that money is all virtual and deducted and credited to them via little tallies on their Daddy's ever-spooling spreadsheet. Its pretty much all spent on junk food impulse purchases, Super balls and Pokemon cards. This money, is handed to them in cash...they each get five dollars....that's a dollar for each brother and then three other dollars to divide use for other gifts as they see fit (one for Mommy, one for Daddy and one for the family, two gifts for the kids to share and one for the parents, three other gifts the whole family can enjoy together....etc.) I put very few limits on what they buy and we can take as much time as they like in the shopping process. I did tell them no Playdough this year (light gray rental carpets in 80% of the house) and I also put the nix on the idea of giant knife with blood painted on the blade. I did however, allow the purchase of more Nerf action than I have the nerves to really enjoy.

The boys hem and haw, sometimes confer with each other in harried whispers, sometimes ask my advice and sometimes refuse any counsel. After they have selected what they want, I go over their plan with them privately while the siblings look the other way and talk amongst themselves. I ask them to tell me specifically who each gift is for, so that they can be sure they have it all figured out and that there are no double buys or accidental misses. I add no feedback or comments but simply make sure that they are sure they have everything they want to buy. There is no buying for yourself, although you are allowed to tell Mommy in furtive whispers if something catches your eye and is your burning wish for Christmas....it may get passed on to other shoppers who are stuck for ideas.

Once all decisions are made, we take the purchases up front and cash is handed out to each kid (I cover all tax and unexpectedly higher prices) and they wait in line with their things. They are coached through putting their goods on the conveyer, adding the divider between them and the next customer and waiting at the register for the cashier to ask for their money. I have them take the change and ask the cashier to count it back to them for good measure. Then they put their receipt into their own bag, thank the cashier and move over to the door to wait while their siblings complete their purchases.

Its mega fun for the boys to make such big adult purchases and to feel that they have such sacred power to surprise others and bring a gift home of their own choosing. Some years there have been unexpected squeals of joy over the selections once they are unwrapped....I am sometimes astonished at the way a sibling knows just the right thing to delight their brother. Its also such jolly fun to see a kid restrain himself with sighs and wishes from getting a toy he really wants and instead buy one for his brother because he knows his brother would also love it....and then on Christmas morning watch them realize that they bought each other the same longed for item. What a wonderful lesson in giving and the joy that there is in restraint and the deliciousness that there is in allowing space in our lives for other people to be good to us, not only to meet our own needs privately.

So, now we have to put the tree skirt down! Its all wrinkly and I meant to iron it up over the weekend and get it down but I forgot. Now its time to get serious....there are things that have been earnestly wrapped but little boys and labeled with little phonetically spelled tags in determined, wobbly writing. These are worthy presents, every year I'm glad I do this....even when the customers in line behind us are sighing dramatically and looking at their watches, and Pom has crawled under a store display for chocolate santas and pouted that he was going to live there forever. Even then. This, is a great tradition.

Poetry Friday: Turtle Medicine

Happy Poetry Friday! We made it through the one last full week of winter. That is worth celebrating! Lets have a poem for dessert since we made it, shall we?

On vacation I bought myself a small carved turtle figure, a personal reminder of the life choices I was making and the lessons I keep being reminded of right now.

In Native American teaching, animals can be instructors and messengers sent to teach us things for a while or coming alongside us as tangible reminders of our identity and role in life. I have been learning turtle lessons for a while now and feel like God sends me turtle encounters as gentle nudges of His Presence and my own strengths and callings.

So today, a little turtle poetry...

Turtle Medicine
I am a turtle woman.
Placid rover, called to grounding
Needing slower paced out stalking
Hearer of the ancient wisdom
Trees and rocks and river talking
Drawn by God through paths of effort
Dredging through the channel blocking
Peace within, a well of comfort
Holy salve where fear is knocking
Long-lived being made for always
Eternal creature never stopping
Bearer of the world around me
Pillar-legged never balking
Wearer of my home and haven
Belonging present at each docking
Tortoise, Hawksbill, Slider, Terrapin
Loggerhead, Box and Painted teachers.
God's cold-blooded, scaly speakers
I am turtle woman listening.

You can click through and read more of my poems where I am slowly collecting them, on my Original Verse page. 

Tune in for the rest of this week's participants and see what other poems are out, waiting to speak to you. Our esteemed host for the collection this time around is Kara Newhouse, over at her blog Rogue Anthropologist. I always think a nice dose of poetry browsing is a fantastic way to celebrate a slower weekend morning. May you enjoy the same....

Teaching Empowerment

Teaching a small person to decipher letters and learn the secret code of reading is an electric experience. I feel completely amazed at the power of discovery, the beauty of achievement and the incredibly special tenderness of watching literacy unfold.

I have been teaching Ru to learn and he's chomping along in the reading book, learning bigger and bigger words but still not really making the leap to reading himself or devouring story for himself. I continue nudging him along and he's still making steady progress and I am waiting for the lights to blaze full in his face and set him mind buzzing with the possibilities of what he has just grasped.

In the meantime, Dee nuzzled up under my elbow and started begging to have a reading lesson too. At just four year old he's not really ready for the physical elements of writing free-hand but he is able to trace my letters and follow dotted-line letters I set up for him and at his urging I started teaching him the basic first nibbles of reading. By golly, he's getting it! He's reading little words all by himself! I feel like a rockstar in the presence of all this acquisition!

Happy First Day!

We're off! Galloping along on a new school year. I think last year was a fake out...this year is when it really all begins. I have a first grader and he's almost an independent reader. I'm officially schooling at home at this point, no denying it...the two years of pseudo-school before this were excusable. Maybe I was just keeping my kid home extra long but now, there's no dodging that bullet. My kid is with me in the grocery store in the middle of the morning, time for random strangers to start asking..."Why aren't you in school?!?"

We started the morning of our First Day of School with a celebratory ride around the block to the elementary school. This is where the boys would be going if they weren't being free-schooled outside of the system. We all piled into the van and the boys excitedly noted kids along the route with backpacks and lunch bags, all headed off to school too....and when we got to the school we rolled the windows down and hollered, "Happy, happy First Day!!!!!!!" There was a lot of giggling afterwards and a little bit of extra cheering as we rounded the block headed for home. I think we can safely say that the school year was begun with gusto.

 I totally had the first verse of Revolution by the Beatles going full blast in my head. Most of us only change the world in teeny little ways, this feels to me like some small piece of it for me. I believe in freedom for children to explore the world, for unconventional ways to learn, and for love to be one of the biggest lessons on the syllabus.

We've got all kinds of subjects on the docket for this year: Ancient History, Science Explorations, Name Writing, Reading, Addition and Subtraction, Potty Training, along with a couple of extra-curriculars in the form of an indoor sports education course and a fall semester outdoor wilderness skills class. I think we'll have some very busy, very happy boys at our house.

I have a little pile of genuine school books now. Just like a real teacher. We have safety scissors and glue sticks and lots of erasers in our school bin and there's been an inaugural trip to the library for new story books for the preschool set. I plan to leave off there though, I need  no more traditional teachery items: instead throw in a few sea shells, a Kitchenaid, some flip flops and my camera. We've got all we need. The world is our classroom, and we're all of us teachers, even the short ones with dimples. Wonder what I'll learn this year in my classes?

Vital Life Insights

In my plan to savor my own life experience and really accept age and the passing of time and wisdom and not just smooth skin and young energy...I have just made a new step forward. We, all of us, are learning things, all the time....lessons that are our own little gold nuggets that slowly compile to create wisdom. I think it's a shame that we never really consciously examine what we've learned and what we are learning and turn each nugget over in our hands, really looking at it and really feeling it between our fingers, appreciating the things we have learned through hard won experience.

I used to be a big journaler, never really consistantly the every-single-day diary scribbler, but consistant enough that I've filled several lined books with reams of accounts of "what I did today." I don't journal that way anymore. I'm glad that I did it because it got me started: I wrote, I thought, however shallowly about my life and my self. These days my journalling is more expressive and more insightful and much more useful, I use my journal to sort out my insides and plot life in ways that count and make sense.

All my classic lined page journals.

My current journals (I have two at the moment, one for writing and one for visuals) are a little out of the box. This is what journalling looks like for me right now. I'm often answering questions, making lists, making bold statements and writing down my hopes and small healing reminders to the tattered, quiet bit of me inside.

My visual journal

My written journal, in a sketchbook.

This week I decided to start making a list of my major life insights in my writing journal. We all know there are certain trite bits of wisdom (however true and meaningful) that could pepper any individual's list, but what I'm talking about instead are the things that feel vital to you right now. Personal insights: things that have to do with your own individual thinking and pondering and feeling and reading. Here are some good ways to dig them up if nothing is coming to you.

• Revisit old journal entries (if you journal) and look for recurrent themes.
• Think about the things you're talking about all the time to your spouse, your children, your best friend, your mom...vital bits of wisdom are often things we're so struck by that we talk about them over and over while digesting.
• Think about someone who bugs you a lot and ask yourself what they are doing that you would never do, write that down and look at it. Is there some life insight there that you can gather up?
• Look around you at your bookshelves and remember, as you spot particular books, important things you learned from them.
• Think about a painful life experience you've had. Are there any life lessons you can say you learned through it?
• What did you trip over lately and then you say to yourself "I sure thought I learned that a long time ago!"
• What do you consider to be the most important things your parents and your spiritual community have taught you?

So....there's some prompts to get you going. I'd love to hear what you're all learning at the moment, feel free to share in the comments.

Here's what's on my list so far:

1. Christianity, and maybe all of life is about LOVE...and nothing more.
2. We are all failures who are valuable.
3. All personal connections/relationships in life are good and of value.
4. I need respect.
5. Morning headstarts are the key to sanity.
6. Kindness earns you love, respect comes via achievement.
7. All emotions are valid and need to be looked in the eye and accepted, even the big scary ones.
8. Beauty is important for my vibrant health.
9. Junk food addiction is passive suicide.
10. Generosity is very important.
11. Repetition=Skill
12. Anger, unaddressed becomes bitterness.

 What has life taught you through experience? Dish it out!

California Lessons

So, now that that wild and crazy experience (the whole coast in 9 days with an antsy four year old, a wiggly two year old, a very pregnant mommy and one intrepid driver of a daddy) is under our belts...what did we take away from it all?

A and I talked about this all the way home from the airport last night. (Partly to keep ourselves awake and partly because we really do want to learn as we go and make every trip more cleverly planned than the last one.) The big lessons were:

1. Plan pregnancy trips earlier in pregnancy.Okay, okay...many of you told us so and not so very deep inside we knew it was a little nutsy to be doing but, we did it anyway. For this particular trip, it may have been the right thing to do. I survived, A survived...we had no real problems or meltdowns and I'm still pregnant with no real signs of impending birth BUT...truly, it could have been easier if it'd have been at a different time, that's pretty undeniable.
2. Do not pack a kid activity pack for each boy to carry through the airport along with their lovies. The fewer things you can carry on the airplane the better. Duh. Next time, a couple of books and a few tiny toys will go in the big main backpack/carry-on that we are bringing for everyone. Its no fun to be trying to convince tired boys to carry their stuff when you're already overloaded with your own detritus. Minimize.
3. When planning real people (not just sights) into a trip, real organization and fore-thought are needed. I really stink at planning and we both stunk at coordinating our plans and ideas which meant that the actual trip schedule didn't really gel until um, the night before we flew out? *wince* That's a bit late for working into people's lives.
4. One book is plenty of pleasure reading. I always bring too many books. Books are heavy.
5. Maybe making a list of things we'd really like to do in the given destination is a good beginning plan. I am still kicking myself for not having fish tacos or other authentic Mexican roadside food, fresh avocados or Sangria soda while we were there.
6. A change of clothes for each boy must be in the carry-on and then in the day-bag once we're out of the plane phase. Yeah. I figured it out after a day or two of repeated scenes frantically pawing through suitcases in parking lots.
7. We need a real dirty clothes bag again. I brought a baby collapsible duffel bag to substitute for our deceased travel laundry bag and it wasn't nearly big enough which caused issues a couple of times.
8. We should own a double stroller. Two umbrella strollers is kind of less great suddenly when you're lugging them through the airport. I plan to start the hunt asap.
9. One umbrella is enough. I brought two and it was just more stuff to lug, ultimately.
10. I need to turn my phone on as soon as I get off the airplane and keep it on. Oops! Sorry to those of you who tried to call me and could not figure out WHY you couldn't get through.

Stuff I did right? Oh yeah! I did a bit of bang-up planning that was fabulously helpful in execution. I'll be repeating the following:

• Packing our travel snacks in a small re-usable grocery bag (courtesy of Whole Foods). So much better than the eminently rippable plastic or paper disposable sacks that I have used in the past.
• Two water bottles. Genius to have one to hand to the backseat for the boys and one to keep up front for us...also helpful when one ran out and we still had half a bottle left in the other.
• Ordering groceries for delivery our first day back home. Brilliant move. I patted myself on the back many times this morning when the truck pulled up at the door.
• Remembering to put our mail on hold. Yes! I love it when I remember.
• Buying advance tickets for tours we wanted to take. Was so great when we rushed in at the last minute and already had tickets.
• Buying ziplocs to use with our first snack stop at a grocery store. Ziplocs are so incredibly useful. Put dirty underwear in them, leftover sandwiches, pills to take, jewelry, half used packages of food, and much more.
• Brought along wet wipes. Yes! I love it when I remember. So nice to have for a million reasons.
• Brought a portable potty with me. Brilliant, invaluable tool for potty-training tykes on the road. No worries when we're on the freeway in heavy traffic and he has to go or in a crowded urban location with no public toilet available. Suddenly, your car can be a private bathroom. Sounds kinda weird but, truly it was great.

Live and learn...that's what they tell ya, right?

Straight on to Baby!