Wearing Two Hats At Once

This week I playing professional mommy and home mommy at once. I'll be in San Francisco for two whole days for a training conference for a homeschool public speaking gig that I started last summer. I am super stoked and enjoying the whole adventure of an outlet, a chance to put on a little polish and step into some different shoes. Its also so incredibly empowering to go have get-togethers with organizer go-getters who have all self-selected into a room full of energy driven, life loving, spur each other on power. I love the buzz in the room. I love that no question is too wordy or obscure or intellectual. I love that everyone wants to be there and is invested. Also, nobody follows me into my bathroom stall or puts Legos on my plate while I am eating, which is kind of novel and fantastic. I was even thinking happily of the 5 hours I will spend commuting back and forth (I am driving back and forth in the mornings and evenings) and realizing that I in no way dread that time either. I have audio books, sisters to call, mental space that is just waiting for me and all of that time will be a gift.

I was talking to another mom today and mulling over why in the world I would be making the crazy choice to drive back and forth when there will be hotel accommodations provided. It sounds massively inefficient and kind of illogical at surface value but, as a mama I have to say that it seems quite worth it to drive all that way so that I can tuck my kids in at night after they have been playing their friend's house all day. Its worth it to be able to kiss them goodbye in the morning and zip their hoodies myself, after I put all their yogurt dishes in the sink. Even a tiny amount of contact and continuity will carry us and will keep the kids feeling loved and seen in a small measure. I have also learned that I need all the hugs that we share, I need to be with my husband when he gets home from work and to savor the delicious letdown of the quiet house and slipping into bed together for a little pillow talk before sleep. It feels good to be known and seen and connected to those who love you. I also love little things like watering my own houseplants, making space to be barefoot in the backyard for five minutes alone, and putting a roast in the oven for dinner later that night.

 I am also imagining that contact with my normal life and with my kids will keep me grounded in my training. I have a tendency to live utterly in what I am currently learning....in good and bad ways. I see all the trees and forget the forest even exists. I get excited about the ideas and plans I am learning and don't keep planning, home life and self-care in the viewfinder, I also get overwhelmed and intimidated by the grandness of what I encountering and have trouble chunking, right-sizing and staying in the moment. Kids are amazing at keeping you right where you have to be. You learn to spend far more time than you would ever imagine sitting patiently waiting for a shoe to be tied, you learn how very many steps there are to washing hands and how easy it is to forget any of the parts and you learn exactly how pungent a hug is and very much it matters when you make eye contact with an earnest question. These things keep me learning, they keep me stable and they keep me tethered. Its not all some kind of delirious dulcet cocktail though, sometimes these are bitter lessons that I grind through...remembering with some embarrassment and a bit of honest failure exactly where I am. Lest I get to grandiose about my speaker self, the boys and my husband are there with needs like runny noses and fresh underwear to keep me realizing that no matter what intellectual things I offer or achieve, I have to keep myself strung into the action of community and connection, even in the small humble ways and build my character alongside my brain. So here we go!
Speaker Me + Homemaker Me = Real Me

Poetry Friday: Turtle Medicine

Happy Poetry Friday! We made it through the one last full week of winter. That is worth celebrating! Lets have a poem for dessert since we made it, shall we?

On vacation I bought myself a small carved turtle figure, a personal reminder of the life choices I was making and the lessons I keep being reminded of right now.

In Native American teaching, animals can be instructors and messengers sent to teach us things for a while or coming alongside us as tangible reminders of our identity and role in life. I have been learning turtle lessons for a while now and feel like God sends me turtle encounters as gentle nudges of His Presence and my own strengths and callings.

So today, a little turtle poetry...

Turtle Medicine
I am a turtle woman.
Placid rover, called to grounding
Needing slower paced out stalking
Hearer of the ancient wisdom
Trees and rocks and river talking
Drawn by God through paths of effort
Dredging through the channel blocking
Peace within, a well of comfort
Holy salve where fear is knocking
Long-lived being made for always
Eternal creature never stopping
Bearer of the world around me
Pillar-legged never balking
Wearer of my home and haven
Belonging present at each docking
Tortoise, Hawksbill, Slider, Terrapin
Loggerhead, Box and Painted teachers.
God's cold-blooded, scaly speakers
I am turtle woman listening.

You can click through and read more of my poems where I am slowly collecting them, on my Original Verse page. 

Tune in for the rest of this week's participants and see what other poems are out, waiting to speak to you. Our esteemed host for the collection this time around is Kara Newhouse, over at her blog Rogue Anthropologist. I always think a nice dose of poetry browsing is a fantastic way to celebrate a slower weekend morning. May you enjoy the same....

Chocolate Consolation Cake

So, instead of having a baby today, I decided we'd have chocolate cake. Really good, Julia Child, chocolate cake. If I am not going to go into serious labor, I might as well be consoled by some serious dessert. I'm serving it for breakfast in the morning, bathed in whipped cream.

Spent a couple of hours earlier today folding laundry (getting caught up on everything suddenly seems like a good idea) and watching Julie and Julia while I did it. I am a big fan of Julia Child and enjoyed both her book "My Life In France" and Julie's book "Julie and Julia" and I'm a massive, massive Meryl Streep fan (really, who isn't, truly that woman is amazing) so, this movie was rather highly anticipated. I have been waiting with baited breath to see it for so long but, now that it has made its way to Instant Netflix I finally have found a way to work it in. People. I loved it. In some ways its a bit of a ridiculously easy sell. I love to eat and cook as much as the ideal audience possibly could, I'm a blogger myself, I loved Paris when we were there, I love my set of vintage pearls dearly, I work to cultivate joie de vivre and I'm a big fan of the film's stars and director (Nora Ephron of You've Got Mail fame for those who wonder). Its kind of a shoe-in. And then I'm excessively hormonal anyway.

And that's how you found me, snuggling the boys, curled up on the couch, sniffling away at the incredible beauty of Julia and Paul's deep love, laughing out-loud at the impossible rage you can feel at a destroyed dish and telling myself over and over that I must see this again with A. Its a wonderful date movie. At least its a great date movie for those who love food...or travel...or for those who love a writer or a blogger. We fit all those categories pretty firmly. I can't wait to see it again.

How can you not love Julia's crazy enthusiasm. Her optimistic, fervor and her blustering sense of persistence. She was a lovely person and its so beautiful to watch her life unfolding under Meryl's skillful fingers. I aspire. Really, I do.

So, for now, the baby is still not finished and while I wait for God to put on the finishing touches, you'll find me in the kitchen nibbling on my fabulous, glorious La Glorieux (the name of that chocolate cake) and maybe making honey locust fritters (on my list for tomorrow) and then possibly picking up three of my finished watercolors from the framer's. I'm entering an art show...just a small affair our church is putting on but, still...its me, in an art show. The world is amazing...you never know where you'll find yourself.