"She refused to be bored, chiefly because she wasn't boring." Zelda Fitzgerald

Monday, January 6, 2014

A New Year, A New Plan

Its January. My reboot button has been pressed and I get to start over! Usually I feel instant relief that the holidays are over and a new year is curling pinkly out in front of me.

This year I feel a little slow on the uptake. I think part of it is A's new job which requires his presence on the West Coast one week a month, jet-lag is our newest family tradition. Also, the boys are more familiar with Facetime and Skype already than I have ever been. Parenting together long-distance is a new skill.

And part of the fog is my Aunt Terri's death. I feel really fumblingly blue about her transition from bodily form to memory + spirit. I wanted really badly to see her one last time but instead my kids got sick and I lost my voice and we spent our time awkwardly spreading germs and mania to my in-laws in a flurry of wrapping paper and gingerbread. I hugged Aunt Terri's boys, my fabulous cousins during one squeezed-in face-to-face greeting and sent them every bit of love I could muster, staying abreast of their mom's foggy releasing and rallying by phone as the snow fell and fell and fell. So much of letting her go is kissing my childhood goodbye and taking on the intimidating mantle of being the cool auntie instead of just telling stories about mine. I am also working through a decent amount of anger and sadness about familial shortcomings, bizarenesses, and angst. Amazing what a watershed event like a death can bring out, eh?

Also we are having crazy weather...Apocolyptic snow storms, record cold temps broken up by grey drizzling rain. And yet...must survive. It is the only thing to do!

I am working on a batch of resolutions, processing out the last year, planning new local classes for the boys, perusing the local adult ed roster, and trying to find little pockets of inspiration here and there. One day this past week I called all of my aunts, one right after the other and talked and cried and laughed with them all over the phone.....for the first time in my life. Today the boys and I signed up to sponsor a beautiful little 4 year old girl in Sri Lanka per their eager requests and then spent a good bit of time reading about her world filled with monkeys, lush banana groves, emerald tea plantations and spangled elephant festivals. (We are already dreaming up a birthday package for her!) Tonight we have A's cousin coming to dinner for the first time ever after volumes of well-intending Facebook messaging over the course of years....may it be sweet. And yesterday I went to the library and cleared all the fines off my library card and picked up the first load of good reads for the new year.

I will come around. My energy is lagging but coffee is my friend, sleep will eventually get caught up and in the meantime.....it ain't nothin' that some good tunes can't cure!

Happy New Year, World! xoxo


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