Starting Over: 2016

Its January, and although I am a little late to my usual party, I am finally in full-on clean slate mode. Tomorrow I am beginning a Whole 30 food commitment which will take me off of all sugars except for fruit for 30 days. Time for clean eating. Giving up coffee will also be in the plan (time for some dandelion root tea!) as will adding in some things I have been dropping out of my life in a spotty kind of way: meditation and listening prayer, yoga, drinking my daily allotment of water and getting my workout in, fitting in Special Time with my kids and getting up early before the family. Its time to polish my boots and get back in gear. My brain is foggy, my waistline is pudgy, my motivation is gone and I am itching to get back at it.

Dear January, here in California you are bringing me the first flowers, fresh lemons off the tree outside my kitchen door and a blessed lack of snow. I do need to book a skiing weekend to satisfy A and the boys who have a yen for cold and downhill thrills that won't be satisfied by any number of lemons or palm trees. I will do it though. I will also plan a night away by myself in the coming months and I will hunt up a friend who will go horseback riding with me nearby. This is a new year and it is time to start putting things to rights.

Today I worked on the garage (sorting through boxes, flattening empty cardboard and filling the van for a Goodwill run). The boys helped me pull about a third of the garage out into the driveway and work on categorizing it a bit. When it began to sprinkle (rainy season!) and we ran around shoving all the things back into the garage, there was decidedly less heaped up! So exciting and hopeful. I am looking forward to the Craigslist postings going up for selling larger items, the mopping of the big concrete floor and the set-up and general assembly of the little guest cottage and art studio that I am dreaming of.

It is fun to start over. But, wow...I need to get my body re-booted again so that I have the clean energy to do it all!

Bring It On, Juno!

We are waiting for Winter Storm Juno to roll into town. A has flown the coop for California, making me hold his breath this morning about whether or not they could get manage to get out of New York City and into the air. He's off now, on his way to the land of palm trees and internet start-ups and I'm here, stacking up a little extra wood beside the fireplace, stirring the hot chocolate and watching the snow start to fall.

I have to say that there is nothing like New England before a storm to make you feel festive and cozy. People love to gripe about the lines at the store, the empty shelves and the advanced school closures. I used to think that people around here were terrified about storms but thinking about it this morning I changed my mind. I think that storms in our area are a rarity, and locals feel a sense of pride and celebration about this kind of a small catastrophe. Everyone is out stocking their front porches with snow shovels, salt and scrapers and waving to each other, all my friends are checking with each other to see what movies and board games we have all stocked up on for weathering the blizzard. There's something kind of yesteryear and community oriented about the whole business. I feel like we should all meet at a diner after the storm abates for egg creams and toasts.

This area doesn't see regular snow in the winter but I have to say that when it comes, we know how to make a season into a real sensation. Storm Parties all 'round!

I just got a call from the governor's office ordering everyone to stay off of all roads after 9pm and requiring everyone in my city to remove cars into private driveways. Feels kinda real! Now I just need to put something in the oven for dinner and pick out a late night, mama activity. Bring it on, Juno! We're ready to rock and roll!

January Stillness

I keep coming down in the morning, turning the oven on and running back upstairs for a sweater. Its cold! Next, I turn on the coffee maker and sternly tell myself to caulk the ancient kitchen window. It really must be done. (I tell myself this every morning and some evenings) Then I stand on the cold tile and try to think of hot things to make for breakfast that aren't bad for us. Putting my fuzzy lined moccasins on helps me think. This morning I decided the answer was to bake sweet potatoes in the microwave and serve a half of a steaming potato onto each plate with mugs of tea as warming back-up.

The boys and I are enjoying quite a lot of sunshine right now, even if it isn't warm. The chickens are out scratching vigorously every morning in the morning rays...completely undeterred by their absurdly timed molting. There are feathers EVERYWHERE in the coop! It looks like a pillow exploded. The silly hens are doing their fall shedding in the middle of the peak cold time! Its a darn good thing they had the good fortune to be Southern Connecticut hens and not Northern Michigan biddies. Teach them to follow their own rhythms!

I am looking deeper and deeper into the freezer and the pantry and find myself thinking strategically about what to plant and harvest and buy and freeze and can this next summer. We could use more frozen veggies, frozen batches of quick breads, dried fruits, canned peaches and canned meats. Note to self....more of everything except bags of frozen zucchini chunks. We have enough of those.

Our hopeful plan to go see the desert of Arizona and visit our friends who have set up house there among the saguaro has melted away. I have learned a real life lesson about the wisdom of jumping on cheap tickets when they are spotted. This year, instead, we'll be flying to Florida and soaking up some rays in the Sunshine State. We found cheap tickets for the whole family to sunny Ft. Lauderdale so I am banking many hours dreaming about tanning in the sand while the boys play, doing almost nothing except letting my skin soak in warmth and my brain take a giant pause. Sounds so good. No theme parks, no marathon crazy plans, no insane amounts of highway to chase down and conqueror in a day. Just us. Just warmth. Just a break. March is coming.

In the meantime, there is tea, and mending with heart shaped patches for little boys jeans, there are friends to drop by and there are paints. .....the paints she had with her always.

Shredded Underwear + Inner Strength

Something is crazily shredding all of my underwear. Weird, right? I think I am down to a handful of pairs now because they keep coming out of the dryer with strange marble sized holes in them. I can't figure it out. There's no way that our washing machine is selectively gnawing only my underwear. How can that be? Did I tick it off? If it was all whites I'd think I'd put in too much bleach but I like my colored undies...so that's not the issue. Mysteries.

We are still hibernating in between bouts of skateboarding classes. Lucy and I are watching our way through the first season of Sex and the City which is hilarious good fun. I am fleshing out my resolutions and my ideas for the coming year. I've been tucking away this and that scrap of inspiration and this week I pulled together a Pinterest board and a paste and scissors mood-board. So excited about having so much to draw on in a ready place.

The citrus season is in full-flush and we are galloping through boxes of clementines and having big, sunny orange slices at breakfast. I have to make a note to save some orange peels to toss in the fire some evening when we have the fireplace cranked up. I am also having a yen for Meyer lemons. Every day at naptime Nib is asking to read Amelia Bedelia and then as I tuck him in he looks at my with his big brown eyes over the edge of his quilt and begs me to make him a lemon meringue pie: justification for Meyer lemons commence! We might need a batch of lemon curd to go with it for special breakfast. I also have to remember to get a bunch of coral grapefruits and serve them cut with honey some morning.

Prunings from the fruit trees, about to leaf out in a vase on the bookcase.

Its easy to forget the happy little parts of winter when you are longing for hyacinths and lilacs but I am determined to be in now and appreciate whatever I can right in this spot. I will not succumb to avoidance and wishful thinking and wistfully imagine away what really is. Learning to be optimistic in a wholehearted way this year and also to dive in wherever things are hard and find the value in the struggle and the overcoming. Will become a strong woman this year, walking through fear and the slightly icky into adventure and resilience

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Colds, Yogurt and Birthdays For Recluses

Spending the afternoon indoors in various kinds of rodent-style hibernation activity: organizing the larder, reading books, folding clothes from the dryer, tucking kids in for naps, roasting meats in the oven, and brewing more coffee and tea. I feel like Moley from Wind and the Willows. :)

Valentine's Day approaches. I have a sheaf of paper doilies  and a good stock of red and pink construction paper. Must make a note to get some glitter. I am hoping to make some valentines with the boys soon. Forethought it good. This was the moral of Christmas. I have a post cogitating about things I plan to change about our holiday celebration as a result of Christmas/New Year's this year.

The boys all have light colds so we are keeping the kleenex handy, making many rounds of tea with honey and rapidly going through Children's Tylenol bottles: lots of sniffles and a few coughs, extra sweaters, snuggles on the couch and a few extra Disney movies to while away recovery. Its a good time of year to go to bed early and catch up on sleep. The baby is starting to pretty reliably sleep through the night....or he was....before he got so stuffy. :)

The weather has gotten super cold again and we had another big wallop of snow. There are big sparkly piles on either side of the driveway and the picnic table that I meant to take inside for the winter looks like it is frosted with a foot tall layer of marshmallow cream. Our poor, wimpy chickens are staying inside the coop around the clock. They don't trust the white stuff. I worry about them and keep going out to check on them but they seem perfectly healthy and content, just staying inside together.

And crockpot yogurt is a fabulous thing! It worked! See?

We are on our second pot-full. New one in the works as soon as I buy more milk! Next up? Flavors!!!

Dee has started dreaming up his birthday party and I am hoping to get some time soon to Amazon him a couple of small gifts. He wants a Peter Pan birthday....or else Legos. Hard to say right now. The first week of February isn't for days and days...plenty of time to change his mind 6 or 8 times between now and then. The only firm request is, "No extra people, Mommy." The introvert has spoken. I want his birthday to be enjoyable so I think it will just be a family dinner but I do feel a twinge at allowing him to be too reclusive because people make him nervous. I want him to feel confident and to learn to appreciate friendship and celebration. I am thinking about sending the brothers out for the afternoon with A some day soon and sponsoring a quiet playdate with just Dee and one good friend in honor of his birthday too. We'll see. Am I manhandling my quiet little boy?

A New Year, A New Plan

Its January. My reboot button has been pressed and I get to start over! Usually I feel instant relief that the holidays are over and a new year is curling pinkly out in front of me.

This year I feel a little slow on the uptake. I think part of it is A's new job which requires his presence on the West Coast one week a month, jet-lag is our newest family tradition. Also, the boys are more familiar with Facetime and Skype already than I have ever been. Parenting together long-distance is a new skill.

And part of the fog is my Aunt Terri's death. I feel really fumblingly blue about her transition from bodily form to memory + spirit. I wanted really badly to see her one last time but instead my kids got sick and I lost my voice and we spent our time awkwardly spreading germs and mania to my in-laws in a flurry of wrapping paper and gingerbread. I hugged Aunt Terri's boys, my fabulous cousins during one squeezed-in face-to-face greeting and sent them every bit of love I could muster, staying abreast of their mom's foggy releasing and rallying by phone as the snow fell and fell and fell. So much of letting her go is kissing my childhood goodbye and taking on the intimidating mantle of being the cool auntie instead of just telling stories about mine. I am also working through a decent amount of anger and sadness about familial shortcomings, bizarenesses, and angst. Amazing what a watershed event like a death can bring out, eh?

Also we are having crazy weather...Apocolyptic snow storms, record cold temps broken up by grey drizzling rain. And yet...must survive. It is the only thing to do!

I am working on a batch of resolutions, processing out the last year, planning new local classes for the boys, perusing the local adult ed roster, and trying to find little pockets of inspiration here and there. One day this past week I called all of my aunts, one right after the other and talked and cried and laughed with them all over the phone.....for the first time in my life. Today the boys and I signed up to sponsor a beautiful little 4 year old girl in Sri Lanka per their eager requests and then spent a good bit of time reading about her world filled with monkeys, lush banana groves, emerald tea plantations and spangled elephant festivals. (We are already dreaming up a birthday package for her!) Tonight we have A's cousin coming to dinner for the first time ever after volumes of well-intending Facebook messaging over the course of years....may it be sweet. And yesterday I went to the library and cleared all the fines off my library card and picked up the first load of good reads for the new year.

I will come around. My energy is lagging but coffee is my friend, sleep will eventually get caught up and in the meantime.....it ain't nothin' that some good tunes can't cure!

Happy New Year, World! xoxo

January-ing

We're January-ing all over the place lately at our house. Pulling down the Christmas (as it is wont to do) has led to sudden and complete redecorating in certain sections of the house. The bookcases and china cabinets have been re-styled and the mantle invigorated, the art is playing musical chairs and the sunroom is being re-invented as a mommy spa space: all watercolor work, sewing, reading nook, green oasis and guinea pig haven. A and I are set to begin guitar classes together as our weekly date night. My drool-inducing reading list is overflowing, many of them in-hand thanks to Christmas gifts from A and many more on a library list in my phone and even one in audio form for when I'm washing dishes or driving A to and fro on his commute. I am tackling garden plans with a vengeance and am up to my green little ears in all the ideas and advice I am accumulating.

I'm overwhelmed and also very excited. This is what  a new year does to me, I'm full of 25 new projects and genius ideas on overdrive and also a little swept under by the enormity of all the wonderful possibilities. My solution is to stop thinking so much, that's when the stress and enormity of it all creeps in. Less think, more do. The world is so full of a number of things...I am off to turn my world upside-down and make all manner of sparkly bits fall out onto the carpet!

Pom says that sounds just top notch...as long as I always hold him. He got separation anxiety for the New Year and has started giving babysitters fits when we're away and even wailing top volume for me whenever I set him down although he's very cheery and sweet for as long as I can push myself to tote his 5th percentile, and yet somehow impossibly heavy little frame around on my body.

A Crisp New January

We are back home. We survived the stomach flu, a manic whirl of trip prep and holiday madness, and the long drive to Michigan and visits with both sides of the family. And here we are, stepping crisply into the new year. Ah! Feels so very, very good.

There's something very cathartic to me about traveling far away for Christmas and then driving back across the country together, bundled up in winter gear, munching leftover cookies, jotting down resolutions and humming on towards a whole new, fresh year together as a family. I love that drive. We talk and think over what our families are like and how we admire them and how we want to out-do them and we talk about our previous year and what went well and what we're primed to tackle next. And I always love it when we get to the part where we plan our travel schedule and make mouth-watering schedules for where and when we'll be adventuring in the coming year. This year we're hoping to see Hawaii, D.C. and New Hampshire as well as maple sugaring in the far north and a family reunion in the ancestral vineyard where we were married. Very apropos for the celebration of our 10th year of marriage together. We have genuine history!

Am feeling full of inspiration, and energy and hope today. My list is long and my spirits are high. I feel like there are good days ahead...I think 2012 is a good one.

Here are the things I'm dreaming of accomplishing in the coming year:

Resolutions 2012

1. Call my parents weekly
2. Help my boys write letters monthly
3. Dream journal
4. Work on the boy's baby books monthly
5. Go on a private "couple's retreat" together
6. Take an interior designs class
7. Take a trip to visit a friend
8. Read three books on genetics
9. Join an art society and hang a piece in an art show
10. Call grandma monthly
11. Plant shrubs on our property
12. Hang pictures in our house (extended family, kids and wedding especially)
13. Find three interior design books that I love and learn from
14. Switch to a local pediatrician and find a family doctor for A and I
15. Put together and follow a car maintenance schedule
16. Organize our basement storage
17. Paint more rooms!
18. Register to vote
19. Join our Neighborhood Association
20. Start an easy food night (pizza, take out, frozen dinner, leftovers etc.)
21. Hire a cleaning service for the first month after Baby Four arrives.
22. Read two great books on blogging
23. Teach the boys to: brush their teeth in the morning, comb their hair consistently and wash their hands before meals
24. Teach Ru to read and Dee to write his own name
25. Potty train Nib
26. Read three new plays
27. Carve out two consistent work times in the day for me-time (one for work and one for personal)
28. Sell three or more paintings
29. Make a new friend
30. Start taking the boys out for special Mommy and Me outings
31. Start an interior design notebook with a section for each room of our house

I might have time later to read through the resolutions from last year and compare and contrast a bit but for now, I'm forging ahead...sometimes blissfully unaware is okay. I'm

Less is More, It Just Is.

Tonight A and I are going out for the night, just the two of us, our last date night alone before the zaniness of family travel and other celebratory activities hit us full in the chest. I'm not sure if that's what's doing it or if is intention to focus on what matters in the middle of this holiday season, or even just new thinking about the coming excitement of New Year's Resolutions and the clean slate that is a crispy new January.

Suddenly I'm thinking about all the new toys and sweets and "stuff" we'll be bringing home for our little ones and I'm feeling the unstoppable urge to purge. Time to go wildly through our goods and take boat loads of things to Goodwill! Time to create empty, clean spaces! Time to set things in order in our house so that we return from Michigan to a calming space instead of insanity!

I am remembering that the things children like best are the simple ones....the ones that don't cost much or anything at all. Cookie cutters, shiny pebbles, string, the wrapping paper...you know. Am off to sort the playroom, to vacuum all the corners and to take bags of stuff, stuff, stuff to the trunk of our van for a thrift shop drop-off.

Less is more. It just is.