Out of the Fog

I am complete toast. I cannot think clearly, I'm exhausted all the time, I go to bed early every night, take a nap most days and still can't manage to feel awake. Very little sounds good food-wise, Claussen dill pickles make the cut and breakfast sandwiches with lots of oozy cheese, sausage and egg. Otherwise...the list is pretty darn short. Most days I manage to quickly prepare dinner and then then serve it to other people but can't make much more than water sound appealing to myself. And my moods! Could someone please tell adrenaline to give me a break here!?!? I feel like I am freaking out over every little ridiculous thing...it all feels like the end of the world and nothing feels okay....ever. My housekeeping is doomed, my friendships are hopeless, my complexion is the pits, and forget my parenting skills. I can't stop crying left and right, the last thing I was sobbing over was the laundry.

Heavens! It's a good thing there's a sweet new baby coming in June to make up for all of that!!!!! Otherwise, I'd have to diagnose myself a bit gone in several categories. We're all very excited around here and as soon as the boys knew and were very strictly lectured on how this was "our secret" Ru went around grinning at all our social engagements looking for sly moments to take adults aside and tell them that he "had a secret to tell them!"  So much for waiting! Ha ha! We're out. We're proud...we're parents again and we're headed into the culturally insane category of four child family.

I feel super out of it. And although this was a very wanted baby at the moment I feel over my limit. Way over. I know most of it is the way that pregnancy, especially the early part, makes me feel like a total psyche ward case but it sure is daunting. I know Baby Four will fit in just fine and I know that we'll very quickly feel like we couldn't imagine life without him or her but for now I just feel like hiding under my quilt and never speaking to anyone again.

Image by mhaithaca via Flickr

I am not sure what to do to comfort myself for the next five weeks, infinite supply of Starbucks and cheesy breakfast sandwiches would help. Barring that, I think I'm just in survival mode. I sleep and sleep and also sleep and I cancel a lot of engagements. If I cancel on you, tell yourself I have a terminal illness and to expect very little of me....and in a month or so I will reappear in normal life. I am telling myself this daily.

Yulia's Fall

 I model "Yulia Tymoshenko hair" in Dee's 3 mo. photo shoot

I am only slightly informed about international politics but, I do pay a small amount of attention to Russia. I have to admit Putin makes me nervous. I am worried that he's on a track Russian leaders have tread before...expansionism, authoritarian rule and an ever tightening vise grip. Not my favorite.

So, when a fellow blond with a trademark gorgeous hairdo stepped up to the plate and challenged the people to revolt against corruption and stands against the machine Putin has put into motion...I noticed. I remember when Yulia Tymoshenko co-led the Orange Revolution and I heard about the people pouring into the streets of the Ukraine in orange clothing, full of determination and courage and I was totally inspired and felt like there was hope for Eastern Europe. I truly believe the only way that part of the world will ever rise again and achieve a healthy success is if the people stand against corruption and are strong enough to demand something better. 


And then Yulia rose through the ranks from wealthy revolutionary to prime minister to President of the country. I was so excited and remember how cool it was to see her on Forbes Magazine's list of "The World's Most Powerful Women" (she was third in rank...after Condaleeza Rice and Wu Yi, China's Vice Premier, minister of health). A woman of beauty, spunk and brilliance who was making a difference, standing for good in the face of turmoil way over there on the other side of the world. 


Today she and her cabinet were sacked, legally or not...its not quite clear. There was a vote for the latest presidental elections and her opposition claims he won. Yulia's people are crying foul and asking for re-votes and investigations but it isn't clear that they'll get it. As of now it looks like she'll step down as the country's leader with her fist raised and continue to lead the opposition in the country. Those who aren't happy with Russian alliance, with old ways or with heavy industrialization and will try to check the powerful advances of the newly elected government. I feel for her...it must be really scary to be stepping down and handing everything you've accomplished, all your striving to join the EU, all the economic work, all the Putin criticism off and see someone you disagree with strongly take over the future of your country.

I wish her luck...and may God strengthen the will and courage of the people of the Ukraine, whomever rules.