Leaning into December

Feeling restful about this season. December is here and we are gearing up for Christmas, winter, cold, internal times. I have good books lined up on my nightstand (parenting, in-law relationships, fantasy stories, travel guides!!!), a good stock of Earl Grey and a long list of small renovation tasks on the house. I'm all for the chilly months. Lets bring it!

Ru is getting to be a smooth reader which is pretty exciting. I sometimes worried it would never happen. Teaching kids to read reminds me so much potty training. Its partly about them and partly about training yourself and it takes so much faith in your kid and eventuality and so much letting go and taking yourself less seriously. Dee is partway through reading instruction and even Nib is beginning. Little steps.

A and I are continuing to work on our marriage in little steps too. Building trust together has been one of our recent big jobs. I highly recommend the eminent John Gottman's book, The Science of Trust.  I am ridiculously grateful for the tips in that book. We got into a real tailspin in our connection and life together. Its amazing how easy it is once you have a few bad patterns, to pattern your way right into completely hopeless and even emotionally dangerous place. Isn't it wonderful though, to know that people change, that we are the masters of our own choices and that we can make what we like of our lives???? I can't tell you how much I adore being a grown-up. Gottman is a great resource....maybe the most helpful information for A, I felt like I could breathe again after I read Brene Brown's, Daring Greatly and it helped me learn to how to be assertive and yet truly kind...both things I desperately needed. If you have a tough or impossible relationship where you feel stuck...keep trying shit.

 Seriously. It's worth it. You don't have to hate your mom or stop speaking to your next door neighbor or give up on your son, relationships are repairable, human connection skills are learnable and you can learn how to be a better you. I feel like an infomercial. Ha! Whatever. Trust is my new favorite. I know how to make it now and earn it and it's like totally fulfilling super-glue. I love it when I learn new things that I never, ever thought I could hack. Hear me roar!!!!

Marriage and parenthood both have made me ugly cry more than anything in my life. Ever. They've been ridiculously hard for me. Seriously, though....they are also the things that have pushed my edge and helped me learn fantastic things and two of the places where I am most proud of myself. The things that are your most painful experiences are the things that can be your best teachers, if you're game. The key is not giving up, looking the things that terrify you in the eye, remembering the things that are working and trying hard to solve the problems...try ardently, unceasingly, and ever hopefully. We are all in this together. Some of us are writhing with agony over the hard stuff that is career, some of us are socially pained by our difficulty in friendships, and some of us are looking like crazy people because we can't figure out how to teach our kids to be gentle. This is real life. (<------ all="" and="" are="" botch-ups="" favorite="" hacking.="" keep="" my="" of="" overcomers.="" p="" saying="" sorry="" us="" we="">

Brave, Rainy Days

It was clear the minute our feet touched our own yard that rain was in order. The strawberries had wilted away to floppy little copies of themselves and the hanging basket by the back door was mostly yellow and crunchy. I was so relieved yesterday evening when it started to sprinkled and bluster.

The only downside was that in the night we were totally startled awake by the loud cracking of a splitting tree. The next door neighbors have a massive, massive white pine that stands taller than our house and although it appears healthy it would utterly destroy our home if it suddenly fell some stormy night. I think A and I both harbor somewhat obsessive fear about the idea although we try to dwell on it or be ridiculous. You can't go chopping down any tree near anything in the neighborhood.
A's subconscious mind was on red alert apparently because, out of a dead sleep he catapulted both of us out of bed at the sound of the tree splitting. Triple Axel Wake Up was a pretty hilarious move when we discovered that it wasn't The Big Pine after all, and then sad after all when we realized it totally destroyed my sister Lockbox's boyfriend's back windshield since his car was parked on the curb in front of our house.

After that excitement, its been a pretty simple day. We have been catching up mail duty, writing notes, addressing cards, coloring pictures to mail out, thinking of cousins we'd like to send messages too....that sort of thing. The postman has a whole stack of correspondence to collect from our front box.

We also made gak slime from Borax, water and Elmer's Glue....and read extra stories. This afternoon I am hoping to drop off our official registration for Homeschool Co-op since its that time of year again and maybe if I'm lucky the curricula I ordered with be delivered. I feel really nervous about trying a curricula for the first time ever this year. I am very concerned that our learning at home not become dry, burdensome and blandy "school-y" in style. I really prefer to do, see ourselves, live, flex and have firsthand learning. I'm a mixture of Unschooling, Montessori and Charlotte Mason if you know anything about educational philosophy. I did some soul searching over the summer and decided that I really would love a neat schedule for what to do every day, all plotted out for me so that I have to do minimal planning and can focus on tweaking and teaching. That's the whole point of curriculum. Enter my exploration of the idea of buying one. If I have to pick I think I'm mostly Charlotte Mason by allegiance so I did some scoping online and purchased Living Books curriculum to try out. Stepping out. Trying new things. Reminding myself that I am the mistress of my choices and I can choose to try things and to quit if it doesn't work.

I love feeling that I can brave and make bold, even uncertain choices and learn from them while not being bound to my learning on the go. Are you trying any new, brave things right now?

Prep Week

This is the last week before we head off to the Pacific Northwest for some vacation, some work, some exploring, some reuniting with family and lots of memory making. The last week before travel always means lots to do but I also realize that minimalism has a spot in the world of packing and prepping. Laundry needs doing for instance but organizing all our clothes this week as I pack does not need to happen. Packing need to happen but we'll only be bringing a week of clothes. Washers exist. We should make sure that all out hotel reservations are made and written into the schedule but we don't need to freak out about making sure each day is planned to the lapels.  I need to get a couple of basic snacks planned and purchased and prepped for the flight but I don't need to worry about ordering groceries for when we return home yet...that can wait and happen some slow morning in Seattle. 

Trimming the list minimizes the overwhelm of liftoff but it also means there is a little more margin, a little bit of space, a tiny breathing corner. That space is open. It might be when we meet with friends for impromptu play sessions at the park, it might be when I write and paint extra and the boys soak in library books or it might just be time we spend at home not having anywhere to do and not having anything to do. Lolling in the garden, taking naps when we are overtired and fixing things here at home which need our attention all should be allowed to make the list if they clamor.

Been thinking lately about my own philosophy of pushing the edge, living deep and striving that holds hands with my anathema for stress and defeatist talk about being over-busy and living in a time drought. I think its crucial to stay alive, fed, directed, energized and inspired. I also think its important to reject the doctrine of negativity about living a full life. (the belief that we are behind before we even get up in the morning and that there are not enough hours in the day and that we don't have time for the things we wish we could do) I also think its really important to trim the fat in our lives and have boundaries. No, is a good word, we should be masters and mistresses of our own agendas and not live subject to manipulation or guilt in our To Do Lists, we also should learn to strict with ourselves about cutting out things we know we shouldn't be doing. Life is too rich and full to waste on things that are bland and soul killing. As Dr. Suess, The Wise said in one of his books,

"You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.

About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."

With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,

you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street."

So, I'm planning a trip and I'm whipping up the last few things to get done here before we go, and I may feel pushed but I refuse to live in that space, and if you feel like calling, ring me up.

Oregon hasn't seen nothin' yet!