"She refused to be bored, chiefly because she wasn't boring." Zelda Fitzgerald

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Leaning into December

Feeling restful about this season. December is here and we are gearing up for Christmas, winter, cold, internal times. I have good books lined up on my nightstand (parenting, in-law relationships, fantasy stories, travel guides!!!), a good stock of Earl Grey and a long list of small renovation tasks on the house. I'm all for the chilly months. Lets bring it!

Ru is getting to be a smooth reader which is pretty exciting. I sometimes worried it would never happen. Teaching kids to read reminds me so much potty training. Its partly about them and partly about training yourself and it takes so much faith in your kid and eventuality and so much letting go and taking yourself less seriously. Dee is partway through reading instruction and even Nib is beginning. Little steps.

A and I are continuing to work on our marriage in little steps too. Building trust together has been one of our recent big jobs. I highly recommend the eminent John Gottman's book, The Science of Trust.  I am ridiculously grateful for the tips in that book. We got into a real tailspin in our connection and life together. Its amazing how easy it is once you have a few bad patterns, to pattern your way right into completely hopeless and even emotionally dangerous place. Isn't it wonderful though, to know that people change, that we are the masters of our own choices and that we can make what we like of our lives???? I can't tell you how much I adore being a grown-up. Gottman is a great resource....maybe the most helpful information for A, I felt like I could breathe again after I read Brene Brown's, Daring Greatly and it helped me learn to how to be assertive and yet truly kind...both things I desperately needed. If you have a tough or impossible relationship where you feel stuck...keep trying shit.

 Seriously. It's worth it. You don't have to hate your mom or stop speaking to your next door neighbor or give up on your son, relationships are repairable, human connection skills are learnable and you can learn how to be a better you. I feel like an infomercial. Ha! Whatever. Trust is my new favorite. I know how to make it now and earn it and it's like totally fulfilling super-glue. I love it when I learn new things that I never, ever thought I could hack. Hear me roar!!!!

Marriage and parenthood both have made me ugly cry more than anything in my life. Ever. They've been ridiculously hard for me. Seriously, though....they are also the things that have pushed my edge and helped me learn fantastic things and two of the places where I am most proud of myself. The things that are your most painful experiences are the things that can be your best teachers, if you're game. The key is not giving up, looking the things that terrify you in the eye, remembering the things that are working and trying hard to solve the problems...try ardently, unceasingly, and ever hopefully. We are all in this together. Some of us are writhing with agony over the hard stuff that is career, some of us are socially pained by our difficulty in friendships, and some of us are looking like crazy people because we can't figure out how to teach our kids to be gentle. This is real life. (<------ all="" and="" are="" botch-ups="" favorite="" hacking.="" keep="" my="" of="" overcomers.="" p="" saying="" sorry="" us="" we="">


  1. As usual, Carlie, great stuff, great thoughts, great people! xo

  2. I am going to look up those two books. Thanks for sharing! You vulnerably sharing your marriage and parenting journey this year has been a balm to my soul and an encouragement that we aren't the only ones who are persevering through issues. I appreciate you! Thanks for writing!