Peace Hunting

So, we're to the manic part of December. The part when I am counting down the hours I have left to get ready and saying over and over and over..."If nothing more gets done, it's okay. If nothing more gets done, it's okay. If nothing more gets done, it's okay. If nothing more gets done, it's okay. If nothing more gets done, it's okay. If nothing more gets done, it's okay. If nothing more gets done, it's okay."

Traveling is a lot of  pressure, celebrations are a lot of pressure, big multi-point execution plans are a huge amount of pressure. Especially when you aren't really a big picture person. I get all bogged down in the four thousand details I dreamed up...the pages and pages of recipes for cookies I want to make, the many little ideas I have for meaningful family traditions, the lists of ideas for gifts I dreamed up, the swathes of thoughts on fun games for kids in the car and what to wear on Christmas day, and all those cards that I still haven't mailed. *pant pant pant*

Am trying to let go...and find moments, swathes even, of peace wherever I can. If I don't, I find that I suddenly hate all those brilliant ideas I had. I want to enjoy all the activity and yet not drown in doing instead of being. This week I'm not going out much, we're going to just be here at home, and we're spending time working on making handmade gifts, wrapping things and reading extra stories.  We're busy, we're on a Peace Hunt.

Here's to taking a little extra time to think, sip, digest and close our eyes and let the pressure slip off. The idea that it's all on us is a complete illusion. Nothing rests on any one person but the imperative to live meaningfully, so, "Peace on Earth ya'll...and goodwill toward all mankind." That's what it's about.

Time for a Weekend, Right About Now....

Have been looking at real estate listings so long that all the MLS numbers drift together and I can't remember whether a colonial or a cape cod traditionally has dormers or if Zillow or Bing has better aerial shots of neighborhoods. Am quite dizzy with it all.

I am hormonal. I hate it but, folks, its the honest truth. I am crying about silly things (twice this morning!), panicking constantly about how messy and disorganized the house feels and freaking the hey out about feeling generally unsettled. I am normally quite happy to be a rolling stone, play up my spontaneity and make lemonade with whatever life is handing up at the moment. No plan? No problem. We'll figure something out.

*looking slightly nervously* Don't tell anybody but, I really want a secure, stable plan for the future, and I want it somewhat desperately at the moment. There is this ticking, buzzing little guy with a twitch at the control center in the back of my brain lately who keeps shrieking "WHAT ARE WE DOING???? ARGH!!!!!! RUN AWAY!!!! MUST HAVE SECURITY!!!!" He's terribly helpful.

But, yes...I'm trying to be good-natured about the fact that we currently don't know what we're doing about:

• A's work situation
• Buying a house
• Buying a car
• Staying in the area
• Where in the world we'll put the baby's things

Etc. etc. I know that in real life there is always this real element of uncertainty....even if we think we know our plans...its an illusion...random change happens to all of us, however secure we think we are. That said, my pregnant, hormone riddled brain wants to at least attempt stability for the next few months. This is a stressful time for me to be trying to wing it.

But, honestly...even though I'm bursting into tears every few minutes and feeling basically always on the edge of minor panic...things are pretty okay. Spring is coming. The baby is healthy. I'm feeling pretty good. We are all healthy. And there aren't any big bad things on the horizon that we can see at the moment. Must be a good time for a weekend, eh? Happy R n' R to all of you.....