Zero Insanity For Lent

There is corned beef slowly simmering on the stove although I put it in late enough that I might not actually get to serve it tonight. I feel a sludge of would-be guilt trying to rise up in the back of my throat. I want to be a good mommy. I also almost ran out madly to the store to buy cabbage and potatoes and whatever else seemed important (leeks?) for having a truly Irish St. Patrick's Day dinner.

And then I realized that was insane.

I have made a pact with myself and with God for Lent. No ridiculous woman-pressure insanity.

There are no awards for "perfect" moms who serve all the most Irish foods on St. Patrick's Day and nobody even cares. The dinner doesn't taste better. The boys aren't happier. I am not more organized or more peaceful or more mature or any of the other feelings I am actually trying to cultivate in myself. Its ridiculous. We can see how the corned beef comes out and if it still isn't cooked enough we'll have it for breakfast. We can eat Polish Sausage out of the freezer and it will be quick and all the boys will love it (its one of their favorites). I have a soda bread that I bought that I can serve with extra butter. We can eat carrots (so Irish!) and we'll be fine. We don't need to spend more money on buying last minute festive foods. We don't need to spend more gas on running madly to the store at 6 PM. We don't need to spend our energy or harvest a big crop of stress (mommy yelling at the kids and boys all fussing as I pack them into and then haul them back out the car fro my manic trip to the store) all for the sake of a "festive meal." We can eat broccoli because its green and read the real story of St. Patrick and recite his breastplate prayer that the boys and I are working on memorizing.

I can cut myself free from the out of control madness. I don't need to act like a loony just because I am a woman and I feel pressure to be homemakey and clever and warm and creative. I can be all those things without being insane. I can do all those things while saving money. I can do all of them in smaller, low stress ways. I also don't have to manifest all of those things TODAY for St. Patrick's Day or risk losing my badge. There are no prizes for most harried mom, most overextended woman, most ridiculous self-deception.

There is personal peace.
There is a real legacy and a real man to celebrate in simple ways.
There is home and us and just having a meal at the end of the day.
There is a limit to how much we need fancy and celebration.

I can cut myself free and so can you.  This is my Lenten gift to myself and my family and God. Maybe by sharing it, its my gift to you.

Peace Hunting

So, we're to the manic part of December. The part when I am counting down the hours I have left to get ready and saying over and over and over..."If nothing more gets done, it's okay. If nothing more gets done, it's okay. If nothing more gets done, it's okay. If nothing more gets done, it's okay. If nothing more gets done, it's okay. If nothing more gets done, it's okay. If nothing more gets done, it's okay."

Traveling is a lot of  pressure, celebrations are a lot of pressure, big multi-point execution plans are a huge amount of pressure. Especially when you aren't really a big picture person. I get all bogged down in the four thousand details I dreamed up...the pages and pages of recipes for cookies I want to make, the many little ideas I have for meaningful family traditions, the lists of ideas for gifts I dreamed up, the swathes of thoughts on fun games for kids in the car and what to wear on Christmas day, and all those cards that I still haven't mailed. *pant pant pant*

Am trying to let go...and find moments, swathes even, of peace wherever I can. If I don't, I find that I suddenly hate all those brilliant ideas I had. I want to enjoy all the activity and yet not drown in doing instead of being. This week I'm not going out much, we're going to just be here at home, and we're spending time working on making handmade gifts, wrapping things and reading extra stories.  We're busy, we're on a Peace Hunt.

Here's to taking a little extra time to think, sip, digest and close our eyes and let the pressure slip off. The idea that it's all on us is a complete illusion. Nothing rests on any one person but the imperative to live meaningfully, so, "Peace on Earth ya'll...and goodwill toward all mankind." That's what it's about.