Spotlight on Dee!

Time to slow down for a minute, in the middle of all the baseball and spring holidays and gorgeous weather and garden days and just look at this second son of mine. Its all too easy to get revving right up like crazy and just survive parenthood. (we all do it, its necessary) Every once in a while we need to take little ordained appointments with ourselves to notice our lives. This is my "Notice Dee" pause button session. Time to take a deep breath and be present with who he is.

Suddenly, I feel like this boy is stretching out and getting all long-legged. I can tell his face is changing too and he's relaxing into his big boy role now. Its cool to see him learning to deal more amiably with pressure and anxiety and figure out how to confidently set boundaries for himself and make choices that can allow him to feel emotionally safe. For instance, he still occasionally has migraine type headaches from junk food but he now refuses proffered foods that he knows will make him feel like crap or limits how much he eats and voluntarily puts the rest away for later or just pitches it. Its great to learn that kind of confidence. So much else emerging for him right now too...

Dee Loves

1. Shadow play. This is one of his latest obsessions....the high bleachers at baseball practices are one of his favorite stages for shadow casting. His favorite thing to do is to make his own shadow into things just but changing his body position or holding things that can change the shape of the shadow he throws. He's pretty brilliant at it. He can make himself look like a weight lifter, a roman column and Darth Vader using nothing but a spare sweatshirt and his own body.

2. Scootering in the backyard. We have a pair of little Razor scooters for the boys to share and Dee loves to ride one or BOTH of them. He works on tricks a lot lately which kind of new for him. Usually Ru or Nib are hot dogging all over. Its a mind game for him though, he is less of the crash and burn type and more about clever engineering mixed with whimiscal jokes. My favorite at the moment is when he rides two scooters at once!

3. Wearing his pajama top in the daytime. He thinks its a very clever joke on his Mommy and the height of efficiency to go chance just his pajama pants when told to get dressed in the morning. Its amazing what a mother won't notice when her boy shows up to the table dressed in jeans and tennis shoes, with his teeth all brushed and his bed made. Keep your eyes open...I bet you catch him doing it.

4.What-If questions. He loves to ask me which kind of imaginary vehicle would go faster, what would happen if a volcano blew up on the moon and what I think would be the hardest thing to get in through a keyhole. Lots of these kinds of questions while we are driving places in the car. Love hearing that little mind a whirling.

5. Braiding. He asked me one day how I braid my hair and so I showed him on three strands of grass. Now its a frequent activity....sometimes he braids my hair and sometimes he braids other things: ribbons, plant stems, cords or even seaweed.

6. Pokemon. He and Ru play Pokemon pretend games and battles almost perpetually around the house and he is the master at sound effects, always making all the sounds for each character in an astounding variety of sound registers and voices. He is also the walking encyclopedia of Pokemon factoids. Ru always consults him to answer questions like "What color is Digalit?" "Tell me one the strongest attacks that Slo-King has?" He has an incredible memory for a the data and is very pleased to be consulted like a kind of personal reference librarian.

Dee Loathes

1. Doing Things Without Mastery. He has the hardest time being an early learner at any subject and really feels frustrated and easily like he is being made a fool of, simply because he isn't demonstrating high skill at any given task. He prefers to say he "doesn't know how" so that he can fly under the radar while he practices, only admitting that he can when he feels really confident and smooth. This is tricky in school.

2.Taking a bath. Never much for bathing, he still hates it. He doesn't scream through bathtime like he did when he was a baby but he sure does grumble and gripe about the suggestion that he take one. Once in the tub he loathes the soap getting in his eyes and the being chilly when you come out of the bath, having water in his ears and countless other little physical irritations and inconveniences about the whole process. So many reasons to never get clean.

3. Mushrooms. I don't know where he gets it. Mushrooms are one of God's best inventions, if you ask me...but my boy isn't of the same opinion. Even if I mince them and mix them into a mixture and cook them, he'll often discover they are there and make sure I know that he doesn't approve.

4. Math homework. I don't know if its the fact that A (who teaches math at our house) keeps a strict progress schedule and makes it clear when his students are "behind" and insists that they get no weekends off in such a status, or if its just the subject matter itself that get Dee's goat. Whatever it is, almost nothing gets under his skin and makes him melt down more spectacularly. Its very tough for me because I see so much of myself in him. I have a hard time listening and watching and remember, "This is NOT my emergency, its his." because I was so frustrated by math for so much of my young learning years. Weird how empathy can be a stumbling block sometimes.

5. Being ordered along on hikes. Dee hates most forms of being ordered around, he's the independent sorts (fits right in at our house...we are a house of clashingly independent thinkers and strong wills) and he doesn't hate hikes themselves or the outdoors which is one of his favorite retreats and play spaces. But he really does hate being told that he'll be going hiking with the family at such and such a time in so and so many minutes though. "Go get your shoes on, we're going for a walk soon and yes, you have to come." is pretty much always certain to put him in a bad mood. No choices, forced forward walking, ordered time in nature with a strict schedule....all his buttons.

6. Being asked about his eye. Remember this post?  This doesn't embarrass or infuriate him like it used to but does annoy him. He gets asked all the time if he's okay and "What happened to his eye??" and told that his eye looks funny and it gets old. Its hard for a kid who lives with some little visual difference to understand why its so broken-record-fascinating to everyone around him. He feels like, "Big deal! My eye! Who cares! I don't wanna explain again." If you're a new California friend who wonders why his eyes looks different, ask me for the story on the side, out of ear shot.

Pom Today

Today I am writing about my smallest son, Pom. He looks like he's a baby but he's just short. We freak people out on the playground EVERY SINGLE TIME when he goes down the slide alone. He's 22 lbs and nobody but nobody expects him to actually be two years old, talking up a storm and jumping off things, running at full speed and trying hard to figure out the world. So much fun to watch him emerge.

Pom Likes...

1.Elephants: Which he confidently pronounces "el-fa-dent." Not sure why....maybe purely because they have a euphonious name. We bring elephant books home from the library every week.
2.Pretend Conversation With Stuffed Animals: He loves to have me play ventriloquist and make his animals all talk to him. Its his favorite kind of personal therapy when he's miffed and won't tell us what's wrong. He'll tell his stuffed turtle....no problem. He sleeps with about four stuffed animals every night and has recently become attached to a backpack that has a stuffed animal caterpillar head
3.Reading Storybooks Together: He follows us around the house asking for story time, many mornings, since he's an early riser, he'll run in to our bedroom with a book and manage to squeeze a quick one in with Daddy before dressing time. He loves Winnie-the-Pooh, Llama Llama Red Pajama and this horrible, chintzy action figure story for early readers that features five superheros portrayed in chubby cheeked kiddie form. Classic right? Isn't that the one they always adore? Which brings me to....
4.Superman: Which is his favorite superhero and then what he ends up reverting to and calling ALL superheros. Its even better because he pronounces his name, "Super-nan,"
5.Aunt Lockbox: She's his favorite, his best pal and his most admired lady. Sometimes only she can kiss pinched fingers right, read his favorite story or put him down for a nap. He is always thrilled when she comes home from work and usually runs to her to hug her knees while yelling her name happily.
6.Butter: You have to keep a tight reign on the butter dish when he's around...he'll literally take a spoon to it if you turn your back. If that freaks you out then take Julia Child's advice: "If you are afraid of butter, use cream." Pom would approve. He also adores cream.
7.Music and Singing: His most favorite at the moment is to have me sing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star to him....randomly, whenever he thinks of it. He also grooves down to music wherever it shows up: the grocery store, church, electronic toys, advertisements.
8.Saying, "Yes Sir!" To People: He says it all the time....to women, kids, men...whomever...sometimes inserting it into conversation, as in: "I put the books into the box, yes sir, and they are in there waiting to be founded." He also uses it as a super enthusiastic way to say yes though. Cute man.
9.Nose Rubbing Kisses: He loves them and sometimes will grab my face with his two hands and physically capture my attention so that we can nose rub happily. Its his favorite.
10. Having His Picture Taken: We try to take a walk once a day and he loves to pose at periodic points and refuse to progress unless I take his picture. So funny.

Pom Hates....

1.Having His Hair Washed: Screams himself silly, no matter how I do it. No winning. He's been studying under Dee.
2.Wearing Shoes In The Car: All shoes and socks get taken off immediately, even if you're in the car for five minutes. He's old school about his foot wear. Nothing, bare feet always. Wonder if cold weather will help him stop doing this so quickly.
3.Going Inside: He's an outdoor kind of guy and loves to go out early and stay out as long as he can...whatever the weather. I hate that he knows how to open the front door now but I love that out is where he wants to be.
4. Having His Honey Mixed Into His Yogurt: You must never stir. It has to lay in a golden pool on the top of the bowl....he usually does eat all the plain yogurt on the bottom so I'm fine with it. We all have our quirks.
5.Dogs Jumping On Him: I mean, nobody really loves that...tackling is not actually a good form of greeting. Pom, however, really flips out. He'll practically hyperventilate. Elephants he's into but dogs make him really nervous, although they're growing on him.
6.The Tiny Nubbin Tail On Sausages: He screams and yells and bangs his plate and refuses to even sit down in his chair properly unless its carefully trimmed off with a knife....AND removed from his plate. At first I couldn't figure out what in the world was wrong and he didn't know the name for the offending detail...heck! I don't know the name either. Sausage tail is not an official term.
7. Fireworks, Car Alarms, Smoke Detectors And Other Sudden Loud Noises: He climbs up our faces and wants to sit on our left ears all night if somebody sets off fireworks in the neighborhood, there is a thunderstorm or a local car alarm goes off. I set our car alarm off in the driveway by accident the other day and it was mayhem while I tried to remember how, how, how in the world it is turned off. That was a crazy 20 minutes!
8.Babysitters: Not specific babysitters, just the idea of them....he'll always scream and cry and kick things and tell me angrily, "I cairy!" (which means that he's scared) when the sitter walks up the front steps. Same goes for the church nursery, no matter who is staffing it. Good thing he calms down in a fast five minutes after I leave.
9.Daddy Going To California: He cries more than anyone else at the airport at the start of every California Week, when my husband travels for business and he asks sadly about him during the day quite a lot. When we Skype at bedtime he often bursts into tears when he sees his Daddy's face on the screen.
10. Sitting In His Baby Car Seat: He's dying, dying to be in a booster seat in the car. Its killing him to be buckled up so much more heavily than all his brothers. Sometimes we can appease him if we pull a nearby adult seat belt across the front of his car seat to help him fantasize that he's buckled with it like all of us. Life is unfair. Dream on, kid.

 Its good to pay attention to the details. The little things that emerge. The clues we give each other about what makes us happy and scared and angry. There's no telling what makes everyone tick without tuning in...we are all of us different and charming and curious. Trying to work on loving the exercise of parenting as it teaches me that all of us in this world want to be noticed and require nurturing. Maybe soon I will do a post on my most recent loves and hates....I want to grow and change as much as my children.

Dee, At The Moment

Spending some time being conscious, just thinking about my second child today. Noticing all the new little changes and the way he is shifting and what he has let go of since the last time I took a day for just him. May we all be dynamic...and may our children do the same!

Dee Loves....

• Rotisserie Chicken: He'll sit and eat it until he can't eat anymore and who can blame him? The stuff falls off the bone into its own juices.... This mama is super glad that one of her secret tricks for saving dinner is such a big favorite.
• His Great-Aunt Sheila: She has a quiet, peaceful house with a basket of small, quiet toys in corner of her walk-out basement looking out onto the salt marsh. She makes lunches with many little details all organized and thought out and she saves a particular napkin holder for his cloth napkin which he loves. 
• Hand Sewing: We've started hand sewing together a bit, working on a project, making a set of bean bags for a friend's first birthday. He loves the stitching and he's begging me to teach him embroidery although he didn't know the name for it, "Teach me how to write with sewing, Mom!" I bought him a small sewing machine and working up to teaching him how to use it soon. 
• Watching Video Games: Its funny to me but, he doesn't jocky for video game time himself like his brothers and if its specifically offered to him he will often refuse anyway...but he does love to watch. Ru's video games end up counting for his screen time most of the time because he genuinely enjoys watching, sometimes advising but often just enjoying the ride second-hand. Love his curious, observer's mind.
• Seashore Science: He took a solo class on seashore biology and microbiology and LOVED it and that combined with his Aunt Lockbox's knowledge of all things marine have lit a serious fire. Its amazing the details about the blood of sea stars and the diet of anemone's that he retained. I see more ocean classes in his future and maybe some field guides.
• Studying Things Consistently: He's such a creature of habit and lover of routine that he bugs me if he misses a reading lesson or if we fall off the wagon with his math time. He inspires me. Love that he knows what's good for him in this way. 
• The Idea Of Playing The Flute: He's only 6 so no instructors will take him yet, they all insist that you wait until 8 before the mouth has enough strength to develop an embouchure. I'm amazed at the persistence of his dreaming...he knows he has to wait and is still holding out for the day when he is old enough. I see a Pied Piper in our future!
• Little Girls: You'd think Ru would be my confident dandy but he's very mum about his personal feelings towards girls. Dee loves girls...and has had several little favorites so far already. He's very quiet but confident about his choices and makes no bones about his feelings towards them and his intention that one day he should end up with one of them.

Dee Abhors.....

• Raw Apples: They used to be fabulously handy for taking along as a playground snack...all my kids would eat them, they are cheap and they travel decently. No more. We are on to a stage where they aren't cool with Dee anymore, he'll take pretty much any other fruit as substitute and apples are accepted if they come with peanut butter.
• Factual Errors: He's a stickler for the details, this one. He hates it when people exaggerate, miss the facts or remember things wrong. Trying to teach him about hyperbole, kindness and tact while appreciating his love of truth.
• Swimming Lessons: He's proud of what he learned but he hated, hated, hated the stress of taking swimming lessons. The deep end makes him tear up, putting his face under water is terror and being forced to self-propel through water is mortifying. Add in his instructor's thick accent and brusque manner and you have a special kind of hell. Poor kid cried at every, single lesson. 
• Shots: I mean, who doesn't, right? But really...he hates, hates, hates them. Its all I can do to keep him in the room and reasonably still. Good thing he's getting to the end of the schedule for childhood immunizations. Whew!
• Having His Hair Cut: He hates all kinds of physical disturbance...washing his hair is another one that still really gets his goat. He complains that every little snip hurts and that the hair itches and that he is nervous I'll cut him and that its taking too long. I am letting his hair grow out a little longer at the moment and I wonder if he'll eventually try long hair just for the sake of avoiding the physical annoyance of getting it cut. 
• Not Being Prepared: He needs lead time, lots of it...I'm  always reminding myself to tell Ru at the last minute and Dee, two weeks in advance because that's what works best for their vastly different selves. Ru loves surprise and thrives on spontaneity and hates waiting for things. Dee loves to think about things and mull over them, needs warning and wants to figure out what he is doing far, far ahead of time.
• Wearing A Swimsuit: I wonder if this is related to his hatred of his swimming lesson experience. I haven't been able to get him to explain so far. He sometimes flatly refuses to wear his swimsuit and will purposely wear other shorts to play at the beach and even swim in. I'm not sure if its a control thing or a sensory hatred of swimsuit material or a rejection of lesson memories...whatever it is, its curious. He just says..."I don't want to." when I try to get him to put his swimsuit on, so mostly...I don't make him.
• Coconut: He'll ask me when I am making a smoothie if I put coconut milk in it, he wants to know if I have fried things in coconut fat and he will skip candy or ice cream if its coconut flavor. I am slightly obsessed with coconut so maybe its his way of asserting independence or maybe its a real personal taste preference. Hard to say...he's not big on explaining.