Food For The Soul

Eating without refined sugar or grains is very good. I feel good, really good. I have basically no headaches or stomachaches not related to sickness, I am effortlessly trim, my moods stay super stable and I have more endurance physically (though its hard to tell if that's because of weight loss or good diet).  I'm not sure exactly where I stand on the celiac/gluten intolerance spectrum but I firmly believe my body doesn't like wheat. I have to say though, I notice similarly dramatic reactions to sugar consumption in my body. A handful of chocolate chips consumed on a bad day can put me off kilter with headaches and irrational mood-swings for another 48 hours. The individual psychology of eating sugar-less and grain-free is pretty easy too. I tell people all the time that I still can eat a LOT of stuff. All meats, all dairy, all vegetables (save the potato) and all fruits. That doesn't sound so spare, right?

I truly thought a lot of this stuff was hokum insanity whipped up by kill-joy hippies, obsessed with controlling their whole existence and I am ashamed to admit that I have made fun of people talking like I do now or even just quietly eating in a careful way on the sidelines. I have been flabbergasted by how extremely hard it is for me to choose a different path with food and still be part of mainstream culture. People have been angry with me over my food choices, argumentative about the things I have read, pushy about what they'd like me to put in my mouth and verbally ridiculing about the things I am choosing to politely decline. I felt blindsided by people being threatening and mean about silly things like cake and hot dog buns. I think I might have been better able to handle the negativity if I had had any idea it was coming. I assumed in this age of rampant food allergy and vegetarian, local, vegan eating that people wouldn't bat an eye and I'd have to have very few actual conversations about my new eating. I was super wrong. Note: To Those Considering Eliminating Refined Sugar and Grains....people are not ready for this...prepare for a lot of judgement and skeptical questioning.

Its good to learn compassion by needing it yourself, to learn acceptance by seeing how important it really can be for you and to learn to love humility and secure space for a no answer after being pushed and prodded by those who are uber sure they're right. Did I mention that the theme of my year this year is acceptance? Even food has lessons to offer. All things are windows into the soul, even the way we cook, eat and serve our meals.

Kindness Is Not My Job

I love it when I see people being kind. Makes me so happy. I feel kind when other people, even people I don't know are kind where I can see it...even if they weren't kind to me.  If I have the foresight, on bad days, especially bad parenting days, I look for it around me.

 Yesterday I was driving to get A from work at the end of the day and I spaced out at a red light and didn't notice when it changed and the guy behind me didn't honk he just waved at me in a friendly way after I winced in his direction. What relief! Then I noticed at the next corner that the dog walker and her scowling pooch caught in a sudden shower got to cross the street early, sprinting for her dry apartment gratefully because another driver rolled down his window and hollered at her to "Go for it!" while he paused traffic to let them cross. (Am hormonal so I almost teared up there.) At another intersection I saw a young trio of clearly fit runners out jogging with their elderly relative (mom? aunt? grandma?) who was having trouble convincing herself to go on. They were flanking her...running extremely slowly, matching her pace and talking smilingly to her to keep her with them....all the way down the street. And man, do I know how it feels to be unfit and jogging...so hard, so embarrassing and so beyond humiliating to be jogging with runners younger and healthier than you are, what dignity those youngsters gave her in her pain. Potent. Hits me like a sucker punch.

I am really struggling with parenting right now. Trying to figure out how to get my boys to be physically gentle, to use respectful words, to be generous instead of greedy, to have remorse over their errors, and to understand that your success doesn't come from whacking all the other people down a peg or two. Lots of this stuff is super important to me, and lots of it is extremely baffling to me to teach. How in the world do you teach someone out of greed? I have so few answers sometimes and I feel so helpless as a mother.

I do know that often these things iron themselves out some as kids grow. I'm still going to keep working on instructing the boys about good character and maintain some household standards, don't worry. But there's a piece of this that is just getting older...and also some piece of it that is completely the choice of the individuals who are my sons. I'm not sure how to separate all of that and decide what to worry about and what to let go...but I do know that on some very real level I need to let go. I cannot control it all. I am not Mistress of Morality and sometimes all I really am substantially, is more grown-up.

In times like these I like to notice people being kind. Big people, people who don't know I'm watching, people I don't know from Adam, anonymous grown kids out there doing good things to other folks without their moms advice or knowledge....without any prodding at all. It helps me believe that one day, some of those folks will be my boys. And even if, (God help me!) some or all of my children choose a path of miserly, unkind living...it is not all on me to seed the world with good souls. I don't need to carry that on my head. There is always good. Good wins...It doesn't need me to make sure it does.

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Beach Trust

On my mind today are trust, safety and neighborliness. Most strangers are normal human beings...they're you and me and our friends and relatives. Most people who talk to us or approach us aren't dangerous and are perfectly trustworthy. There are of course the random few who are devious, unreliable or even terrifying. This is reality. That said, it is my opinion that those people are:

A.) very rare
B.) usually very spottable

I'm of the old mindset that says you should smile at strangers, wave to people if they let you cut in traffic and make friendly small talk with the other people in line at the bank. I don't teach my children that they aren't to talk to strangers, I teach them that when the nice grandpa ahead of us in line at the check-out says that he "Likes those red shoes young man!" you should dimple a grin and tell him politely, "Thank you very much! I like your tie!" I think if we just trust the people around us we'll buy goodwill for ourselves, show the love of Christ (He did say that love would be the magic mark of His followers) have more fun waiting in lines and sometimes other people will help us when we need it most.

Reid meets the sea 

 

I still teach my sons of course that they shouldn't take candy apples from strange women with warts on their noses, they shouldn't get into cars with random men with green skin and there is to be no signing up for a lifetime supply of iPod just because a really fast talking young fellow with a big grin suggested such when we were down in Times Square. Don't worry. But, I'm trying to avoid the philosophy of stranger danger and instead preach love for fellow man and that we should know and understand our neighbors...even if they're just our neighbors for an hour in the next booth at a restaurant.

Mostly, this sort of courtesy is warmly received by the public but almost never do I hear similar ideas proposed by other mothers. Moms today...yea people in general are terrified of everyone in the world that they do not know. I think this is such a crying shame. But, I do have to share that I have noticed two things that have given me hope.

1. This woman....and the parenting movement she spawned.
2. Beach Trust

Everybody locks their houses up like crazy and people lock their cars, password their computers and have secret codes for everything under the sun but the one place where people still trust each other? The beach. Have you ever noticed that at the beach people leave all of their belongings sitting there in bags and run off like silly kids to splash in the water?

 Unattended beach goods at the Rhode Island shore this past weekend

They drop their towels on the beach blanket, leave behind the sunglasses they love, glinting on the top of their beach tote and go off for a half hour stroll down the shore, far out of sight of their goods. This is a fabulous thing that always makes me tremendously happy to encounter.

 Our own unattended beach goods!

I've never witnessed a beach robbery although I'm sure once in a blue moon it happens but I have seen perfect strangers haul a strolling families worldly goods up out of the range of the encroaching high tide or seen a woman chasing an absent swimmer's hat down the beach after it blew away. I love to see that. I love to be part of it. I love that something about the beach has allowed us to let go in some real, deep way and love and rely on the people around us.

Not just when the beach population is like this:

But even when it looks like this:

More love man, more love.