Painless Penny Pinching

Last night A and I made an important career decision together.  It was one of those crystal times when I felt clearly that we were making an important, life-altering choice. Sort of a weighty, fork-in-the-road kind of a sensation. We're taking the left fork and things will be different from this time on. This is not only a your-life-will-never-be-the-same kind of choice but a hard-work-is-ahead, you're-playing-for-all the-marbles kind of choice. On the one hand, I love adventure and am a survivor so I believe in living on the edge so last night I felt pretty excited and motivated, but in the background is the pale and quaking me that hates change, feels secure in the known and believes contentment "the way." This morning I feel kind of wobbly and scared by the enormity and intimidating nature of making a big, scary choice like this.

We're on a new austerity plan now. Time to trim the needless waste in our life, time to live on less financially and make more happen with what we have already. I'm a person who walks this kind of line uneasily. On the one hand I'm not a high-roller, I kind of hate money and status items and I get a great deal of satisfaction from clever, frugal-living. On the other hand, I don't like stifling fun, rationing pleasure or forgoing enjoyment and I'm a bit lazy about doing everything myself to save a buck. Time to figure out not only how to save money objectively but how I will best and most happily save money. What things do I truly not need? What things can I change that will make me happier or just as happy and also thriftier? And what ways can I trim a little off the edge and still leave enough to make life feel pleasant? This whole discussion feel selfish and egotistical and entirely white-collar America. Argh. But you know, this year my theme is acceptance, this is part of it. This is where I honestly am psychologically about saving money and I know that if I plan a bleak, bread and water system for the next four years it will never work, I don't really believe in forced, purposeful, chosen deprivation and I'll never do it if that's what I attempt.

Last night I sat down and made up this list. Here's my current ideas for "Painless Penny Pinching"---the way I roll. Got anything to add? Books to suggest? Tweaks you think would help? Please contribute. We'll need all the help we can get.


•No more Amazon book buying (use up A's closet stash, inter-library loan, and
borrow from friends instead)
•Make our own cards for holidays and trim the list for who gets one
•Make birthday gifts for friends
• Grow our own veggies and freeze what we can for the winter
•Shop at Stop and Shop, Save Rite, Aldi, or Grade A and wave goodbye to Whole Foods or Fairway
•Borrow homeschool supplies or books from my circle of friends
•Limit dates to $20 dollars or less and get more creative
•Buy annuals in Michigan when we go this spring, prices are wayyy cheaper
•Shred newspapers or junk-mail for guinea pig bedding and feed them grass and weeds from our yard and scraps instead of buying bedding and pellets and hay from the pet store.
•Kill Netflix? (EEP!)  and instead watch YouTube stuff, and borrow movies from friends and the library
•Only go to single $ restaurants and limit frequency (once a month?)
•Unsubscribe to anything I am not using or don't need online and make sure that the menu planner I am using is the best deal financially.
•Use coupons and shop sales for food. Stock up on good deals.
•Get a new lid for my travel coffee cup and make myself coffee instead of buying it
•See if we can get better insurance rates
•Turn house temp down a touch, maybe even just at night?
•Only run the dishwasher when completely full.
•Wash clothes in cold water when possible.
•Weatherize the house.
•Keep an active inventory of what is in our freezer and pantry that is used in the coming week's menu plan.
•Menu plan every single meal...not just dinners.
•Get plant divisions from neighbors and dig wild instead of buying any new perennials.
•Buy special paleo foods online where I can get cheap prices.
•Get energy star appliance upgrades ASAP.
•Vacation close to home....maybe even at home
•Shop carefully for gas (even Carleen)
•Stop going to the extra Saturday yoga class and go to my studio more instead if
I want a weekend boost.
•Pack food for vacations and make a pact to stay out of stores while
driving to and fro and set a cap for any shopping we do at our destination.
•Shop ahead for holidays
•Make more easy clothes for the boys (simple knit pants from t-shirts?)
•Envelope budget for groceries for the week.
•Make our own cleaning supplies
•Carpool with friends
•Use the city bus
•Go to free classes at the library for kid-fun.
•Wash, vacuum and wax our own car instead of going to the car wash.
•Regularly freeze any food in the fridge that isn't getting eaten to reduce waste
•Shop clearance sales for kid clothes and also thrift shop when in Michigan when visiting family because prices are much cheaper.
•DIY for home repairs, teach myself what I need to know. I can do it!
•Make tangible financial goals and reward ourselves when we meet them!
•Save our change
•Review our utilities and be sure we are getting the best rates possible from our providers
•Line dry clothes, especially in warm weather
•Refinance our mortgage again.
•Use the local library passes for area activities.

What do you do to save money without feeling sorry for yourself?

You Win, I Win

Image by aloshbennett via Flickr

Time to stop putting each other down when we have successes. Really. Everyone struggles when they have failures. Failures don't feel good and there's that who wretched bruised, "How will I ever bring myself to feel brave enough to try again." business that inevitably follows a major downer. I hate that our culture makes us feel sort of similar feelings when we have simple successes in life.

Image via Wikipedia

I was talking to my sister on the phone yesterday and she was pointing out that we (especially women) have this sick cultural reaction to our own personal victories. [See her post, which got me going on the topic here.] We don't tell people when we win, because we know people won't share our joy. They'll get out all their needles when we take a waltz with our new red balloon instead. I have lost all the baby weight twice and am in the throes of hacking my way through a third round of weight loss. Do I talk about it? Nope. It's not because it's not important to me or because it's effortless and I just drop pounds in my sleep...I'm working at it really hard and it's really difficult and I care a lot about the topic and believe me, there are private but riotous celebrations in my bathroom near the scale whenever I make it to another goal. I don't share because I'm scared of being either depressing to others or verbally bitten by the jealous.

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I hate being part of a culture that feels threatened by fellows successes. Why can't we root for the people around us and find a way to feel that we have some personal stake (even a vicarious one) in their achievements or windfalls? Even worse, I think the idea that we feel like we need to toss out a little negativity when we share our happiness is so wretched. ("I just potty trained my son! Of course, maybe he'll regress when we have the baby, we'll see.")  The idea that someone near us winning means we are less shiny and cool is so absurd that it makes my teeth hurt. Let's throw that one out with all our energy and a mighty war whoop to boot, shall we?

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 I think most of this negativity is unconscious. I'd venture to guess that most of the people I know who take stabs at other's joys don't mean to be doing something mean spirited. We are naturally inward focused and it's easy to have a reflexive desire reaction to somebody's else's win. Still, I really feel sad when I hear a friend announce success:
"Am so excited for us! We met our budget three months running! Hooray!"
And a co-listener says glumly:
"Geez! Must be nice. We're so in debt I can't even imagine making a budget."

Image via Wikipedia

I think there are a few things we can do to change the culture of private happiness and make happiness a mutual, public affair.

• When we win, try to share with people around us. (it's good for the soul to hear about people's personal joys) And I think it really is true that when we share our joy it is doubled. Wanna savor your wins? Tell a friend!
• When our success intimidates we can share how hard won, or practically achievable our happiness has been. This makes sure that ensure those around us that we aren't trying to be a superior. (Everyone appreciates knowing that you stopped buying soda and bought a food scale instead of just "got lucky and lost weight")
• When we witness somebody being shot down over their joy, reinforce the happy sharer and also encourage the negative listener. Kill two birds with one stone and be the positive force. Something like this: "Gee, your husband deserves about three gold stars for bringing you breakfast in bed. I bet you felt like a million bucks!" (and then to the gloomy third party) "Sure sounds good, eh? I love to be treated like celebrity, don't you?"
• When we catch ourselves thinking or even feeling negatively because somebody we know has a success, try to nip it in the bud. Remind ourselves that we are not in a grand happiness competition with all of humanity. Life is more like a relay where we ought to root for and assist our teammates. When other people win we stand to gain a lot. We can learn techniques for beating our own problems, we can share the high, we can be inspired to aspire ourselves and our community becomes a place where people own joy which is a great environment.

Related articles

• Diet Buddies Bring Results (everydayhealth.com)
• Friendship Calculus: The Problem of Three (psychologytoday.com)
• The Power of Friendship (socyberty.com)
• Taoism VS Success (makchingyuen.wordpress.com)