My mama always says, "Sometimes you either laugh or cry....its always better to laugh." Today was just one of those days when you shake your head and laugh over and over and over. We all have these days, although we mostly have them in a kind of tortured, stress-balled mental privacy. Your spouse hears about it all, your kids see it fall apart but nobody else needs to know. Today my aunt was here and my sister home for lunch in the middle of the mayhem and we had a friend over and then his mama, Nutmeg came and walked into the insanity. There's no hiding that. I was embarrassed. I was more stressed than before. Wowee.
I laughed until I cried when they all walked out and all four of the kids started screaming in unison. Life is sometimes madness. Its good to be human sometimes. To let other people see you at all ends and falling apart and messing up. Its good to let yourself see it. This is reality and vulnerability and on some level this is real strength....to know we don't have it all together and to be able to look that fact in the eye and still see that you matter, that you are a good person and that you are no quitter.
I wanna hide. I wanna work towards perfect and not let myself be seen or else be seen and stop trying. It hurts to let people to see that you don't have it all together and it hurts to keep working when things are hard...to laugh as a way to keep standing when the struggle is real.