My Top Parenting Conundrums

Ah, the power of a list. One of the great things about making lists, especially bad lists...is that they later become records of things you no longer sweat over, a way to look back and grin because that list is no longer dogging your heels.
I like to make lists but I also like to keep lists so that they can be persued later, and generate smiles. One of the things that's so very infuriating about a current stressor you're dealing with is how it seems so overpowering in the moment. Don't you hate that? I do. The way that whatever-is-your-current-nemesis seems tower over the rest of life in a threatening way. I know full well that it really isn't half the big deal it feels but it really is hard to remember. One of the ways life can get overwhelming fast is with parenting conundrums. You know, whatever puzzle is currently keeping you awake at night...how in the world do you get your kid to______________??? Or to stop doing ____________?

I was just pillow-talking with A the other night as we were drifting off and I told him how helpful it is to me when parenting issues seem insurmountable and baffling to remember the last battle I conqoured as a mom and how truly hopeless I felt about that one too. I have done the cycle enough times that I now "get" that I will always feel like I'm on the brink of disaster about whatever issue I'm trying to solve...and then I'll get through it, somehow. And the other side feels really good to be on.

I thought it might be kind of fun to write down a list of the top things that are driving me insane with my kids right now. Then I can look back and remember how the things I never thought could be resolved mended themselves and you never know, maybe some of you have answers for me! There's power in numbers.

My Top Parenting Conundrums

1. Trying to get Ru to keep his pants dry.  It's not a capability problem, and it's not an issue when we're out and about, just when we're home but I'm pulling my hair out and losing my mind trying to keep up with his laundry, sometimes I'm making him change his pants and undwear three times a day. When I ask him why he's wetting he tells me that he is too busy playing to go to the toilet, and that he "stays dry when we go places." Argh! I have talked until I am blue in the face and am clearly not getting through. Am considering giving him a limit for how many outfits he gets in a day and then making him wear his pajamas the rest of the day if he runs out of clean options. Am still puzzling over a solution.
2. Teaching Nib not to take bites out of fruit at random. We have a low fruit table, well within the reach of children and the boys are allowed to snack on fruit sometimes and also to pick fruit to each at meals. We want healthy food to look alluring and we like stocking enough produce that the boys can "graze" a bit on fruit. That said, part of our philosophy involves even allowing this fruit to be within reach of the baby's little fingers. Nib likes fruit too and Nib has learned about picking out his favorites for snacking but he doesn't know about asking first and he also doesn't remember to eat only at the table. I keep finding peach pits hidden about the house and coming upon him sitting on the floor with juice running down his chin. I keep telling him firmly to ask Mama first and the big boys keep and eye out and remind him too but in the meantime it feels like it will never. I realize this is problem of my own creation and that most American moms would never dream of leaving fruit down where their baby can get it and assume they can teach him to ask first but I truly believe it will work. That said, I also am finding this tiresome and would sure love it if he'd "get" it.Until then, the baby gate is coming in handy for making sure he doesn't jet away out of the room and make a beeline for the fruit table.
3. Teaching both older boys to be socially polite. They used to be! I swear they did but somehow there was some kind of a hiccup and suddenly they're self-conscious which ends up equally socially awkward. They reply to greetings in public with mumbled replies, horrible faces, absurd nonesense or even snarling and tears. I am not sure how in the world to get them to remember their pleases and thank yous and learn to look people in the eye and smile when they arrive someplace. Argh! I keep reminding them before we go inside a business or enter a friend's house and we do some rehearsing scenarios at home, and of course I try to model social warmth myself. So far...we're still striking out a lot of the time. Boy, would I ever like to win this one.
4. Teaching Nib not to sel-injure. When reprimanded for something, or told no about something he wants, he's taken to trying to slam his head on the floor. It's all quite distressing, and although he's clearly communicating his upset (what he's after, I'm sure) we're worried he'll hurt himself or develop a bad habit of violence for expressing unhappiness. We're alternating between scolding him firmly, stopping him physically by grabbing his head or picking him up and warm, soothing words to calm him and help him feel that life is still worth living. We're clearly not sure how to handle it since we're waffling all over the place with method and he's still doing it so we haven't solved it yet.
5. Wheedling. Ru is the biggest culprit here. When we tell himself something he doesn't want to hear or he asks us if he can have five candy bars at the grocery and he doesn't get the answer he wanted...he wheedles. Instead of taking our answer respectfully and dropping it he figures if he asks over and over and over he'll eventually get the answer he would like. Infuriating! I have to really watch it to nip this in the bud with him or else I can quickly steam-train into an emotional wreck after he hammers me with "Please, please, please, please!!!" and a few whines thrown in for good measure. Another little twist on the theme is when he wheedles and I say to him, "You were given an answer...what did I say?" And he replies..."You said yes?" with a wickeded little sneer. Oooo!!! That's a bad one. So far I'm emplying time out and firm scoldings when he wheeldles and am not making any firm headway. Anyone have a brilliant solution?

And if any of you want to share your own personal headaches at the moment, then I'll know I'm not alone and when we're down the road a couple of months we'll be able to look back together!

Ode to a Clothesline

Well, hello world! Here I am typing away for what somehow feels like the first "real" time in my new house. The office where I will be rattling off my posts is a real place with our big desk all moved in and the computery types all humming away with their cords sashaying in writhing company behind them. The room has a door to shut when A works from home and there is even a closet where we can hide papers and electric bits we don't want the children to find! We will someday have a little loveseat here so that A and I can snuggle while we watch Instant Netflix movies at night after we put the kids down and we are also searching for a swank metal filing system to hold all our important papery bits but for now its the desk, the chair I'm sitting on and a lot of dreams. But, it will be a fine place to write...dreamy places are the best for writing.

I never really meant to go on about the office. It just happened. What I really meant to tell you all about was my new clothesline!!!! YAY!!!!!

Four cheers for A who got all handy this weekend and cleaned a gutter, mowed the lawn and hung my clothesline for me. I am so very happy, and wow did he please me when he did all that stuff for me. I would have been forever doing them myself.

It is deluxe to have my own line for hanging out clothes in the summer when there is still the occasional hot breeze and loads of sunshine to freshen all the baby things I'm planning to pin up. I think I looked out the window about five times an hour today just to make sure my first load of wash was indeed still out there flapping, picturesquely in the wind. Twenty shades of fabulous. Nothing less.

Now I need to make or buy at an estate sale a pretty old peg bag for my clothespins....and uh...buy more because I didn't get enough to do a whole line of clothes. Heh.

One of the most exciting things about buying an old house is all the little quirky bits you discover as you live in the home. I have to admit this is also one of the "too exciting" bits occasionally. In our dear house for example, the dryer is not vented to the outdoors, it just blows directly into the basement which means: 

1. The basement is often the hottest part of the house.

2. There are wads of lint coating the wall behind the dryer and all the floor and floating about waiting to leap into our lungs! Yay!

3.The basement is extremely humid...not good for basements anyhow as they tend to get moldy but especially bad if you're trying to dry your clothes. They never get dry.

Did I mention that I love my new clothesline?

We Arrived!

Well, here it is...officially, technically Saturday but, I'm still calling it Friday in order to say that I posted my five consecutive weekdays. I think that counts, don't you?

We made it. It was a long flight (two layovers and three different airports) but, one pair of wet pants, two crying sessions, a squished pear and an almost battery-less phone later...we're all tucked into bed at our hotel in Medford. I have tried to explain to Ru that we're in Oregon even though we're "going" to California for vacation. That was a little hard to get across. All that powering through security screening, chatting up stewardesses and living with all the wrong picture books that Mommy picked out to bring and we're not even in California now? The lower lip began to tremble and I gave right up and erased the whole idea with a bright smile and told him, no worries. California. I promise. K?

We're all super bushed and have started to slightly lose our minds a bit. Its amazing how wearing it is psychologically to travel with two small ones on airplanes. I wonder if we'll be brave enough to do it with three kids. Whew. Sounds intimidating. By the time we were in our last flight, Dee insisted that A read the flight safety information card to him, over and over, and over...I heard four rounds before I fell asleep. A was a hero though, it was the only thing that would keep him from screaming. My picture is a little blurry but, I think you can catch a glimpse of how intent and serious he was about the whole thing. Such a silly little engineer of a boy.

The other thing that was really a huge hit was the in-flight headphones for listening to the ambient music seemingly pumped into the arm of your seat. So cool. Dee was hooked and asked immediately for his headphones to be hooked up and propped on his head before he was even actually seated. Yet another silly thing that stopped tears well. Its all about learning to read your kid.

We stopped for diapers and a few breakfast items on our way from airport to hotel just now (love those 24hr groceries) and A picked up our first batch of strawberries. We plan to taste strawberries wherever they show up and tempt us all the way down the coast. These are gigantic, priced at a dollar a pound and grown right in California! Its like the first real taste of summer! Breakfast will be good.