Kind Time Management

Am struggling with Time Management. Urgh. This is a concept I struggle with. I am afraid of being a controlled and obsessive, scheduled and freakishly non-human person. I also have a big problem with prioritization because I have trouble cutting things out of my life. I have a huge issue with limiting myself to only x number of things that I "have time to do" because that means I cut other things and it also means I may never realize my potential because, see, I'm limiting myself to imagined potential preemptively. Yes, I'm a little over idealistic but, I like that about myself. I wanna be that way, you know? I want to have a lot in my life and I want to push my limits a little and see what crazy amounts of stuff I can get done that I never imagined would work into "the plan."

Yes, and that's great usually but, we've made some major changes in our daily schedule lately and that has been a killer for me. Suddenly, the kids and I are chronically overtired, I have no discretionary time, and there's a million things I'm panicky about that aren't getting done or aren't happening fast enough. Meh. Am not a fan of this bit. I hate the emotional tone my life has at the moment. Too much stress, raw edged, white knuckled, drive the kids like they're a herd of donkeys mania. Am not a fan.

Am working on a little prioritization and outsourcing and list item cutting and am also working my way through listening to this really great talk by the somewhat famous, brilliant and now sadly deceased, Randy Pauch. Enjoy! Am totally inspired.

Tornado Alley

This is sort of how life feels a the moment at our house. One big, not terribly colorful, baby-in-the-picture-now blur. Kind of insane really. I have wayyy to many things to get done in one day and every single day ends lately with me panting madly and trying to find a way to shut of the manic "Concerns List" chattering in my head so that I can get to sleep.

• Our landlord wants to bring a realtor through to evaluate our unit for listing and I am trying not to completely lose my mind over the impossibility that will be getting the place clean enough that I won't just die on the spot when they arrive. 
• I am struggling just to get laundry washed and all the dishes cleaned, I still am not really "cooking" at all. (Its true...I am able to make jam but not dinner) My kind friends at MOPS are bringing in our evening meal every other night and we're eating leftovers for lunch and the alternate dinners and breakfast is something clever like....yogurt...or you know, yogurt.
• I finally got the flannel sheets from the last cold spell off of Ru's bed today and I have not mailed even one thank you note. 
• I was really hoping this house deal would come together before our summer house guests but, it looks like it won't be happening and I'm wracking my brain about where we'll put them all.
• New discipline issues are cropping up with the big brothers and I'm resorting to online problem solving research to come up with fresh ideas for confronting the problems.
• The birth announcements are all printed up and gathering dust on top of the computer. Blast! Must mail somehow!
• The van needs to have a taillight replaced and I can't figure out when I'll have time to get it into the shop.
• I have tomato plants in teeny tiny little peat pots on my back stoop that need somewhere real to live and I'm vacillating daily about whether to put them in the ground or shell out the extra cash for big pots and potting soil on the off chance that we end up moving before they bear.
• The baby has the worst case of baby acne on the planet. He looks truly frightening. I am so sick of explaining to people that he hasn't been bitten by lots of bugs or broken out in a terrifying heat rash or gotten some devastating sickness. And I was hoping to do his one month portraits soon but, he truly looks so awful that I don't want to remember it in pictures. I'm even considering taking him in to the pediatrician. Would they laugh me out of the room?
• I am that horrible in between stage physically. I can't fit my normal clothes but, I refuse to wear a maternity wardrobe and I'm not past the six week window to the magical place where dieting is allowed. Blast. 

How to avoid drowning in self pity, panic or total dark pessimism? Its really not that bad, right? Tell me this is somehow all petty or all in my head.

Time for a Weekend, Right About Now....

Have been looking at real estate listings so long that all the MLS numbers drift together and I can't remember whether a colonial or a cape cod traditionally has dormers or if Zillow or Bing has better aerial shots of neighborhoods. Am quite dizzy with it all.

I am hormonal. I hate it but, folks, its the honest truth. I am crying about silly things (twice this morning!), panicking constantly about how messy and disorganized the house feels and freaking the hey out about feeling generally unsettled. I am normally quite happy to be a rolling stone, play up my spontaneity and make lemonade with whatever life is handing up at the moment. No plan? No problem. We'll figure something out.

*looking slightly nervously* Don't tell anybody but, I really want a secure, stable plan for the future, and I want it somewhat desperately at the moment. There is this ticking, buzzing little guy with a twitch at the control center in the back of my brain lately who keeps shrieking "WHAT ARE WE DOING???? ARGH!!!!!! RUN AWAY!!!! MUST HAVE SECURITY!!!!" He's terribly helpful.

But, yes...I'm trying to be good-natured about the fact that we currently don't know what we're doing about:

• A's work situation
• Buying a house
• Buying a car
• Staying in the area
• Where in the world we'll put the baby's things

Etc. etc. I know that in real life there is always this real element of uncertainty....even if we think we know our plans...its an illusion...random change happens to all of us, however secure we think we are. That said, my pregnant, hormone riddled brain wants to at least attempt stability for the next few months. This is a stressful time for me to be trying to wing it.

But, honestly...even though I'm bursting into tears every few minutes and feeling basically always on the edge of minor panic...things are pretty okay. Spring is coming. The baby is healthy. I'm feeling pretty good. We are all healthy. And there aren't any big bad things on the horizon that we can see at the moment. Must be a good time for a weekend, eh? Happy R n' R to all of you.....