Art Resurgence

I have come full-circle in my artistic endeavors.This past fall I left my art fellowship group where I was painting weekly to attend a homeschool co-op with my boys, devote myself more thoroughly to the forming of curricula and schedules and the role of teacher. I thought I'd figure something out artistically, I thought maybe I could self-power, I thought maybe homeschooling was suddenly going to be overwhelming and exhausting. Sometimes things aren't quite as we think.

Turns out, homeschooling this year was pretty similar to last year. 1st grade is basically like quality preschool (lots of open-ended play, outdoor exploration, lots of fabulous read-alouding, family art projects and lots of rabbit traily "looking things up" at random) with the addition of beginning reading and math instruction. So, A took math...and all that was really new in our life was teaching reading. I decided I could hack it after all...and maybe I didn't HAVE to be part of a co-op but could more generally depend on a homeschool social circle for interesting events whenever we felt like it.

And as for my free-lance art motivation...heh. Its takes a village y'all. I found that I meant to get around to painting, I meant to finish pieces, I meant to replenish my supplies but what really happened was that I painted two pieces all year...and mostly I did nothing and a small piece of me withered inside.

I quit the co-op. We will be part of the homeschool group and join them for Field Trip Fridays and park outings and all the usual birthday parties and holiday celebrations instead. And I re-joined my art group. I am re-committing to taking that little bit of time away, without the kids, devoted to growth and skill development, and especially ear marked for creative expression. I need the excuse of regular time built into my life, a babysitter downstairs to keep the little ones out of my hair and the physical presence of other artists around me fact-checking and evaluating my efforts. So, here's to growth and art and finally finishing this painting that I worked on for most of the school year and just finally completed.

Happy First Day!

We're off! Galloping along on a new school year. I think last year was a fake out...this year is when it really all begins. I have a first grader and he's almost an independent reader. I'm officially schooling at home at this point, no denying it...the two years of pseudo-school before this were excusable. Maybe I was just keeping my kid home extra long but now, there's no dodging that bullet. My kid is with me in the grocery store in the middle of the morning, time for random strangers to start asking..."Why aren't you in school?!?"

We started the morning of our First Day of School with a celebratory ride around the block to the elementary school. This is where the boys would be going if they weren't being free-schooled outside of the system. We all piled into the van and the boys excitedly noted kids along the route with backpacks and lunch bags, all headed off to school too....and when we got to the school we rolled the windows down and hollered, "Happy, happy First Day!!!!!!!" There was a lot of giggling afterwards and a little bit of extra cheering as we rounded the block headed for home. I think we can safely say that the school year was begun with gusto.

 I totally had the first verse of Revolution by the Beatles going full blast in my head. Most of us only change the world in teeny little ways, this feels to me like some small piece of it for me. I believe in freedom for children to explore the world, for unconventional ways to learn, and for love to be one of the biggest lessons on the syllabus.

We've got all kinds of subjects on the docket for this year: Ancient History, Science Explorations, Name Writing, Reading, Addition and Subtraction, Potty Training, along with a couple of extra-curriculars in the form of an indoor sports education course and a fall semester outdoor wilderness skills class. I think we'll have some very busy, very happy boys at our house.

I have a little pile of genuine school books now. Just like a real teacher. We have safety scissors and glue sticks and lots of erasers in our school bin and there's been an inaugural trip to the library for new story books for the preschool set. I plan to leave off there though, I need  no more traditional teachery items: instead throw in a few sea shells, a Kitchenaid, some flip flops and my camera. We've got all we need. The world is our classroom, and we're all of us teachers, even the short ones with dimples. Wonder what I'll learn this year in my classes?

Moving Guilt

Well, I've decided to absolve myself of the guilt I have over hiring movers to pack and move us. And get rid of the ridiculous notion that I'll pack as much as I can myself before they arrive. Hah. We're having company right beforehand, we are helping our church with Vacation Bible School and then there's the part about how I have three children and I would be doing all the packing solo. Right.

So, I have now decided that my attention will go to purging and organizing our goods before the men with rolls of packing tape pull up instead. I did a good bit today, there's a whole new box of things all ready for Goodwill and I started putting like items together to facilitate logical packing. (all the towels in the house upstairs in the bathroom, all the coats in the coat closet, all the shoes in bedrooms etc.) I realize there's a lot more to do there but, I'm trying to even let myself off the hook there and believe that what matters will get done and we'll survive if ridiculous things get packed in absurd order and we arrive at our new house all topsy turvy.

Does anyone else get all thigh-deep in false guilt all the time? I wonder if its a feature of my personality or just a very innate human tendency that has beating myself over the head with a board like those silly monks from Monty Python. Anyone else? Dude, that is so me.



I think about this whenever I find myself all torn to bits over some ridiculous something and then I look in the mirror, see my tear-stained face, realize its three a.m. and think, "What am I doing? This is totally silly, I shouldn't feel bad about this, it doesn't matter at all!"

Well, sort of...maybe its not quite that dramatic but, I do have the self-confrontation moments when suddenly it is all very clear and also very silly and I resolve to get off the bandwagon. And then...there I am again. The only answer I have found is to let it go when I see that I'm absurdly over-activating my conscience. Let's spend a little time on the things that we really are doing that are wrong. Heaven knows there are enough of them without carrying around a few extra bricks because I use the wrong detergent, don't know my times tables by heart, talked to my sister on the phone for over and hour the other day or hid in the kitchen to eat some candy etc. etc. Why am I so compelled???

Jesus said, "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Time to let go.